Subtitles by DJ Hupp BardSubs.com
Get out of here! You lazy dudes, go home!
Is it a holiday? What do you do for work?
I'm a carpenter.
Where is your tool belt and ruler? Why are your wearing your church clothes?
Dude, what do you do?
Well sir, I don't have mad skills, I'm just a cobbler.
but what do you do? Answer me seriously.
It's an honest profession...
Sir, I fix worn shoes.
But why aren't you in your shop today?
Why are you leading these men through the streets?
Well, to wear out their shoes and get myself more work.
Seriously, though, we took the day off to see Caesar.
- and celebrate his victory. - Why celebrate?
What territories has he acquired?
What slaves did he bring back,
chained to his his chariot wheels?
You blockheads, you numbskulls,
You're dumber than rocks!
Oh you callous Romans,
Don't you remember Pompey?
So many times you climbed up on walls,
up to towers and windows, and even chimney tops,
with babies in your arms,
and stayed there all day, waiting...
to see the great Pompey ride through the streets of Rome.
And when you saw his chariot,
didn't you all shout so loudly,
that the Tiber river shook
from the sound echoing within its banks.
And now you wear you church clothes?
And take the day off?
And toss flowers at Caesar?
After he's defeated Pompey's sons?
Get the fuck outta here! Go home!
Get on your knees,
pray to the gods to spare you from the punishment
that you deserve for your disrespect.
Those idiots got the message.
They ran off, speechless!
Go that way, toward the Capitol.
I'll go this way. Tear down any decorations in honor of Caesar
Can we do that? You know, it is the festival Lupercal.
Fuck that. Take down all decorations in honor of Caesar.
Suppressing Caesar's supporters
will take him down a notch.
Otherwise, he'll become powerful enough
to keep us in fear and be his servants.
Shut up! Caesar is going to speak.
Calpurnia!
What's up?
Stand in Antonius' way, when he runs the race.
- Antonius. - Caesar.
Whats up?
Don't forget, while you're running, to touch Calpurnia,
They say, if an infertile woman is touched during this race
she will become fertile.
When Caesar says "jump," I jump.
Go on then, and don't fuck this up!
Caesar!
- Who is calling for me? - Everyone shut up!
Shut the fuck up!
Who in the crowd is calling for me?
I hear a shrill voice yelling "Caesar."
Speak up, I'm listening.
Beware of March 15th.
Who said that?
A fortune teller says to beware of March 15th.
Bring him here. Let me see him.
Dude, come out of the crowd.
This is Caesar.
What are you saying to me? Say it again.
Beware of March 15th.
He's full of shit. Let's go.
Let's move! Let's move!
Are you going to watch the race?
- Nope. - Please come.
I don't like sports. I don't have a competivie spirit like Antony.
But don't let that stop you from going, Cassius.
Brutus, I've noticed lately...
You haven't been as friendly to me as you used to be
You've been giving me the cold shoulder.
Cassius, It's not you...
It's me.
I have a lot of shit going on.
It's for me to sort out. Which must have affected my behavior.
But my good friends shouldn't be concerned,
And I count you as a good friend, Cassius.
Or take anything more from it, than I'm going through some shit.
and has forgotten how to show affection.
Brutus, do you see what you're doing?
No, Cassius, I can't see it without an external perspective.
That's true. But its a shame, Brutus, that you can't see
for yourself, your own worth.
I've heard many of the most respected Romans,
with the exception of Caesar,
mentioning you, when complaining about the shitty government...
Hoping that Brutus gets his head out of his ass.
What are you getting me into, Cassius,
that you want me to look inside myself for something that isn't in me?
Well then, Brutus, Listen up.
And since you can see yourself best by an external perspective...
I will be that external perspective. And show you
the parts of yourself you don't see.
Don't be suspicious of me, Brutus.
If I was some phony, who pretends to be
besties with every new friend I meet,
Or if you know me as the social butterfly at parties...
then watch out for me.
What is this ruckus?
I'm afraid the people have made Caesar their king.
Really, You're afraid of that?
So I guess that's not what you want?
It's not, Cassius, Even though I love him dearly.
But what is it that you want to tell me?
If it's for the good of Rome,
I'll do it. Even if it means my death.
May the gods have my back, as long as I value honor
more than I fear death.
I see that quality in you, Brutus, as well as I see your face.
In fact, honor is what I want to talk about.
I don't know what you or anyone else think about the current state of affairs...
But as for me, I'd rather not live at all
than live under a piece of shit like Caesar.
I was born as free as Caesar. So were you.
We have both eaten as well,
and we can both endure a cold winter as well as he can.
Once, on a cold and windy day,
the river Tiber crashing at it's banks,
Caesar said to me, "I dare you Cassius, to jump with me
into this rough water and swim to that point?"
Even though I was still in my clothes, I jumped in and told him to follow,
so he did.
The water roared, and we fought against it with all our strength.
inspired to overcome it by our competitive natures.
But before we reached our goal...
Caesar yelled, "Help me, Cassius, I'm drowning!"
This is the man who has now become a god.
While I'm a piece of shit
and must bow down to Caesar when he looks my way.
Caesar! Caesar!
He had a fever when he was in Spain,
and saw him shake.
It is true, this god was shaking. His chicken shit lips lost their color,
and that same eye which terrorizes the world lost its gleam.
I heard him groan.
Yes, and that same tongue that ordered the Romans
to listen to him and transcribe his speeches,
shouted, "Get me a drink, Titinius," like a wuss
Fuck! It blows my mind, that such a weak man
could rise to power,
and be the shit.
Caesar! Caesar!
More shouting from the crowd.
Dude, he's ruling the world like an oppressive giant.
And us low lifes, walk in his shadow,
and end up dying as slaves.
We have control over our destiny.
Our problem, Brutus, is not our destiny...
It's our own fault we're slaves.
Brutus and Caesar.
What's so special about Caesar?
Why should that name be shouted more than yours?
Write them together, yours looks just as good.
Say them. Yours is just as pleasant to say.
Weigh them, it's just as heavy. Do magic with them...
"Brutus" will call up a spirit just as well as "Caesar".
For fuck's sake
How the fuck did Caesar
get so powerful?
Fuck our generation!
There are no real men in Rome anymore.
When, since the great flood,
was there only one famous man?
When, before now, could one say about Rome
that the entire city was ruled by one man?
Oh, we've heard our fathers say, there was once a Brutus.
who would have let the devil
rule Rome, before he would let a king.
We're homies, for sure.
I see what you're getting at
My thoughts on this shit going down, I'll tell you later.
For now,
For the sake of our friendship, stop trying to talk me into shit.
I'll think about it.
I will listen to what you have to say when we find a time to meet.
and make a decision about this heavy shit.
Until then, dude, think about this...
I'd rather be some rando
than call myself a Roman, during this shit
that will probably go down.
I'm happy that my bullshit
has struck a chord with you.
The games are over, Caesar is coming back.
Check that out, Cassius, Caesar looks angry.
everyone else look like the've been scolded.
Casca will tell us, in his surly way, what shit went down.
Calpurnia's face is pale,
and Cicero's eyes are intense,
like how gets when senators argue with him at the Capitol.
Casca will tell us what happened.
Antonius, I want the men around me to be chill,
well-groomed men, who sleep soundly.
Cassius over there is looking ambitious. He thinks too much.
Dudes like that are dangerous.
Don't be afraid of him, Caesar. He's not dangerous.
I wish he was more chill.
But I'm not afraid of him.
But if I was capable of fear...
I don't know another man I would avoid more than skinny Cassius.
He reads a lot.
He is a keen observer, and he sees the hidden motives behind mens' actions.
He not into plays like you are, Antony.
He doesn't listen to music.
He rarely smiles, and when he does, it's like he's smiling ironically.
Dudes like him can never be content
as long as they know there is someone more powerful than them.
and that makes them very dangerous.
I'm telling you what should be feared, not what I fear,
because after all, I am Caesar.
Step to my right side, I'm deaf in this ear. And tell me seriously,
what you think of Cassius.
- You want to talk to me? - Yes, Casca.
Tell us what happened today, that made Caesar look so serious.
But weren't you with him?
Then I wouldn't be asking you what happened.
Well, he was offered a crown,
he refused it, with the back of his hand, like this.
and then everyone started cheering.
What was the second noise?
- The same thing. - They cheered three times.
- What was the third cheer for? - Same.
- The crown was offered to him three times? - Yes, that right,
and he refused it three times. each time more gingerly.
and each time, my countrymen cheered.
- Who offered him the crown? - Well, Antony.
Give us more details, Casca.
Fuck me... I dunno.
It was a bunch of bullshit I wasn't paying attention.
I saw Mark Antony offer him a crown.
But it wasn't a real crown, it was a mini-crown.
And as I said, Caesar refused it, but, In my opinion,
he would've liked to have it.
Then he offered it to him again, and he refused it again,
But in my opinion, he didn't want to take his hand off it.
Then he offered it a third time. He still refused it.
And again, when he refused it, the people cheered and clapped,
threw up their sweaty hats
and roared out such a load of stinking breath because Caesar refused the crown,
that it almost choked Caesar, who fainted and fell down.
And I didn't dare laugh, for fear of opening my mouth
and inhaling the stinking air.
What? Did Caesar faint?
He fell down, foamed at the mouth and couldn't speak.
That's very likely. He has the falling sickness.
[The Falling Sickness = Epilepsy]
No he doesn't
But you and I and Casca, WE have the falling sickness.
I don't know what the fuck you mean, but Caesar definitely fell down.
What did he say when he came to?
When he came to
he said if he had done or said anything weird,
he wanted them to know it was because of his sickness.
Some women near me shouted, "Oh, you poor thing"
and forgave him sincerely.
But fuck them.
If Caesar stabbed their mothers, they would've said the same.
And after that he came this way, looking serious?
Yes.
Did Cicero say anything?
- Yes, but it was in Greek. - What did he say?
No, If I told you I understood Greek, I'd be full of shit.
but everyone that understood him smiled at each other and shook their heads,
but I don't know what the fuck he said.
But check this shit out...
Marullus and Flavius were punished for removing flair from statues of Caesar.
See ya.
So much crazy shit happened, I can't even remember it all.
Will you eat with me tonight, Casca?
No, I have plans.
How about tomorrow?
Sure, If I'm still alive, you're still sane, and you're serving something delicious.
Great. See you then.
You will. Later, dudes.
That dude is so lame now.
He was so hardcore when he was in school.
He still is, when it comes to undertaking a daring endeavor.
His rudeness adds a flavor to his wise words
which makes people more likely to listen to him.
Truth.
I'm going now.
Tomorrow, if you want to talk to me I'll come to your place
Or, if you want, come to my place, I'll be there.
I'll do that. Until then, think about what's best for Rome.
Brutus is a solid dude,
but not so solid that he can't be molded
So it's best that solid dudes only hang out with each other.
Because who's so solid that they can't be manipulated?
Caesar doesn't like me, but he loves Brutus.
If we switched places, I wouldn't let him influence me.
Tonight, in different handwriting,
I'll throw in his window, as if they came from several citizens,
letters saying how great his reputation is in Rome,
and subtlety mentioning Caesar's ambition
And after that Caesar won't be able to sit comfortably in power,
because we'll overthrow him,
or put up with more of his shit.
Good evening, Casca.
Why are you out of breath? And looking around like that?
Aren't you disturbed when the entire Earth shakes?
Oh Cicero, I've seen storms,
with gusting winds that have split ancient oak trees.
and I've seen the ocean swell, rage, and foam
rising toward the dark clouds.
But until tonight, I've never been in a storm dropping fire.
Either there's a civil war in heaven,
or the world has angered the gods so they are fucking shit up.
Did you see any other supernatural shit?
A common slave, you'd recognize him,
held up his left hand,
which flamed with the strength of twenty torches.
And there were clustered together,
A hundred frightened women,
who swore they saw men covered in fire, walk up and down the streets.
And yesterday an owl sat, in the marketplace, at noon,
hooting and shrieking.
When all this weird shit happens at the same time...
don't say, "there is a rational explanation for this"
Because, I believe, these are omens for the fate of Rome.
Is Caesar coming to the Capitol tomorrow?
He is. He told Antonius to tell you he’d be there tomorrow.
Good night, Casca.
We shouldn't be outside in this storm.
Later, Cicero.
- Who's there? - A Roman.
Casca, I recognize your voice.
- Cassius, some crazy shit is going down. - It's great, right?
Who'd have thought the universe was so fucked up?
Anyone who knows how fucked things are here.
You're kinda dumb, Casca,
you don't have the brains a Roman should have
or you are just not using them.
You're pale and stare like you're dumbfounded
to see a storm.
Casca, I can think of someone just as fucked up as this storm...
he thunders, shoots lightning, opens graves and roars.
But he is just a man, like us.
You're talking about Caesar, right, Cassius?
Don't worry about it.
I heard that tomorrow, the senators plan to make Caesar king
He will be a powerful ruler
everywhere except here in Italy.
Then I know how I will use this dagger...
to kill myself and be free.
I can end the tyranny that oppresses me whenever I want.
I can too. Every slave, by his own hand,
has the power to end things.
So how did Caesar become a tyrant?
Dude! I know he wouldn't be a wolf
if the Romans didn't act like sheep.
He wouldn't be a lion, if the Romans weren't deer.
If you want to start a big fire, start with little twigs.
Rome is shit. A dumpster fire
that has allowed the rise to power
a piece of shit like Caesar.
What the fuck am I saying?
I might be talking to someone who wants to be a slave.
You are talking to Casca, not a two-faced tattletale.
Shake on this...
I'll go as far as any of you.
You've got a deal!
Hide for a minute.
It's Cinna. I recognize his walk. He's cool.
- Cinna, where are you rushing to? - To find you.
Who's that? Metellus Cimber?
No, it's Casca, He's with us.
- Are the others waiting? - Yes, they are.
Cassius, if you could only convince Brutus to join us...
Chill out. Cinna, take this paper,
and lay it in the judge's chair where Brutus will find it.
Throw this one in his window, and stick this one on Old Brutus' statue.
When you're done, meet us at the secret meeting spot.
Are Decius Brutus and Trebonius there?
Everyone but Metellus Cimber, and he's looking for you at your house.
Casca, we'll go, before daylight, to see Brutus at his house.
He's already 75% on our side,
and he'll be 100% after this meeting.
I can't tell, by the position of the stars, when it will be dawn.
Lucius.
Wake up, Lucius.
I wish I could sleep so soundly.
You called?
Put a candle in my study. Let me know when its lit.
I'm on it.
Caesar has to die.
I don't have anything against him personally, but it's in the best interest of the people.
He wants to be king.
How would being king change him?
A snake in the grass can't be trusted.
If we crown him king...
Then he will have the power to do fucked up shit.
With great power, comes great responsibility...
And as for Caesar, I haven' t seen him be irresponsible.
But everyone knows, playing it cool is a strategy for moving up the ranks.
But when he's reached the top...
he turns his back on everyone else
fucking over everyone below him.
Caesar might do that.
So he must be stopped.
And since it has nothing to do with who he is now, think of it this way...
If he gains power, he will do some fucked up shit
So we should think of him like a ticking time bomb.
which, when it explodes, we're fucked.
So we have to kill him now.
The candle is lit in your study, sir.
When I was looking for a match, I found this paper, all sealed up,
and I am sure it wasn't there when I went to bed.
Isn't tomorrow March 15th?
Beats me.
- Check the calendar and let me know. - Okay.
"Brutus, get your head out of your ass...
Understand how important you are.
If Rome follows this plan, then what?
Speak, strike, make it right!
Brutus, get your head out of your ass"
I've found other calls to action like this, left where I would find them.
"If Rome follows this plan, then what?"
I have to fill in the blanks here.
Will Rome be ruled by one man?
What the fuck, Rome?
My ancestors drove Tarquin out,
when he was crowned king.
"Speak, strike, make it right."
Am I being asked to speak and strike?
Oh Rome, I promise you...
If this shit can be sorted out
I have your back.
Sir, today is March 15th.
Nice.
Go to the gate. Someone is knocking.
Since Cassius began to turn me against Caesar, I haven't slept.
The time between deciding to do something fucked up and actually doing it
is fucking surreal.
Thought versus action.
It's human nature.
Like a small kingdom, going through a rebellion.
Are we interrupting your sleep?
Good morning, Brutus. Are we bothering you?
I've been up all night.
Do I know these men, who've come with you?
Yes, all of them. They think you're the shit.
And they all wish you thought as much of yourself
as every Roman thinks of you.
This is Trebonius.
- He's welcome here. - This is Decius Brutus.
- He's welcome, too. - This is Casca and Cinna.
- And this is Metellus Cimber. - They're all welcome.
What's on your minds that's keeping you awake at night?
Can we speak in private?
That direction is East. Is that a sunrise?
- No. - But dude, it is.
The grey lines around the clouds mean it almost dawn.
You idiots...
Here, where I'm pointing my sword, is where the sun is rising.
- Give me your hands, all of you. - And let's swear to stick by our plan.
No, no swearing oaths.
If our suffering and the fucked up state of affairs
aren't motivation enough, then fuck it,
let's go back to bed.
And let this tyrant rule,
until we're all killed at his whim.
What else do we need to motivate us to make things right?
What oath means more than a pinky swear
to not back down?
What oath is better than a pinky swear
that we will do this or die trying?
Swearing is for priests and pussies,
weak people who put up with shit.
Oaths are for people who don't trust each other.
but don't shit on our legit operation
or our "take no shit" attitude
by thinking that getting this shit done requires an oath
But what about Cicero? Should we ask him?
I think he'd be on our side.
Let's bring him on, his age will give us cred.
and gain supporters for our cause.
Let's not leave him out.
Fuck that dude. He only dances to his own tune.
- Then leave him out. - I am easy to convince.
Should our only target be Caesar?
Decius, good point.
I think Mark Antony, who is loved by Caesar,
should be killed too.
He is a real piece of shit,
and, you know, he has the wealth and power
to fuck over all of us.
Fuck that, let's kill them both.
Our cause will be perceived as ruthless, Caius Cassius,
to kill the king AND his right hand man.
like killing Caesar out of anger, and Antony for envy.
Because Antony is just an extension of Caesar.
Let's sacrifice Caesar, not butcher him.
We're against what Caesar stands for.
And there's no blood in that.
If only we could overthrow Caesar
without killing him. But, shit, it's our only choice.
And, dudes, let's kill him out of obligation, not anger.
Let's carve him up like a prime rib, not hack him up like a carcass.
As for Mark Antony, forget about him,
because he won't be able to do shit, when Caesar is dead.
But I'm still afraid of him,
- because he is so devoted to Caesar. - Fuck, Cassius, forget about him.
If he loves Caesar, he can only hurt himself.
And kill himself over Caesar.
But he probably won't, because he's into sports, fun, and partying.
There's no reason to fear him. Let him live,
he'll laugh about this someday.
- Its time to go. - Its almost morning.
We're leaving, Brutus.
But we still don't know if Caesar will go out in public today,
he's become superstitious lately.
It may be, these apparent prodigies, the unaccustomed terror of the night,
and urging of his fortune-tellers, might keep him from the Capitol today.
Don't worry about that. I can talk him out of it.
for he loves to hear that unicorns may be betrayed with trees,
lions with toils and men with flatterers.
But when I tell him he hates flatterers,
he says he does, being then most flattered.
Let me work on him, and I will bring him to the Capitol.
No, we'll all go there to bring him.
By 8 o'clock, is that the latest?
Let's not arrive any later.
Caius Ligarius fucking hates Caesar,
who betrayed him for praising Pompey.
I'm surprised you didn't think of him.
Now, Metellus, go see him.
We're buds
Bring him here, and I'll persuade him.
Dudes, let's go. Don't forget your pinky promises.
and prove yourselves to be true Romans.
Dudes, put a smile on your faces.
Don't let your expression give away our plans.
Good morning, everyone.
Portia, why are you here? Why are you up so early?
You'll catch a cold out here.
So could you.
You've rudely snuck out of our bed.
and last night at dinner you suddenly got up and paced around
worrying and sighing with your arms crossed.
And when I asked what's wrong,
you gave me a dirty look.
I asked you again,
then you scratched your head and impatiently stamped your foot.
I insisted, but you didn't answer
instead, you brushed me off
So I left.
Because I didn't want to make you more angry
But I hoped you were just in a bad mood,
which can sometimes affect everyone.
Your bad mood prevents you from eating, talking, and sleeping.
If it affected your appearance
as much as it's fucked with your head
I wouldn't recognize you, Brutus.
Please, tell me what's up with you.
I'm not feeling well. That's it.
You're smart. If you weren't well,
you'd find a cure to make you better.
That's what I'm doing.
Portia, go to bed.
Are you sick?
Then Is it a good idea to be outside without a jacket?
Seriously, Brutus?
You'll sneak out of your warm bed
to let the humid and dirty air make you sicker?
No, my Brutus.
You are sick in the head.
Which, as your wife, I should know about.
And on my knees, I beg you,
by that hot bod I used to have,
by all your vows of love and the vow of marriage, which united us,
that you tell me, your better half, why you are so unhappy.
and who these men were that had to visit you.
There were six or seven dudes in stealth mode.
Don't Kneel, Portia.
I wouldn't need to if you were keeping it real.
As your wife, Brutus,
shouldn't I know all your secrets?
Are we only united in a limited way
to have dinner with you, sleep with you, and sometimes talk to you.
Am I just your fuck buddy?
If that's the case, I'm just your whore, not your wife.
You are my loyal and respectable wife,
I love you as much as life itself.
If that was true, I'd know your secret.
I'm just a woman,
but a woman that you married.
I know I'm just a woman, but a woman with a good reputation, and Cato's daughter.
You think I'm weaker because I'm a woman, despite support from strong men?
Tell me your secrets. I won't tell.
Portia, go hide.
Soon you'll know my secrets
I'll explain my plans
and the reason I've been looking sad.
Here is a sick man that wants to talk to you.
Caius Ligarius, Metellus told me about you.
Boy, step aside.
Good morning. I'm a sick man.
Oh, now you get sick!
- I wish you felt better. - Fuck sickness...
If you have a badass mission for me
I have a mission like that in mind.
If you are feeling well enough to hear about it.
By god, I'm feeling much better.
Tell me what to do. I will accept an impossible mission.
And succeed.
As long as you're in charge.
What do you want me to do?
A mission that will make sick men healthy.
But aren't there some healthy men we have to make sick.
We have to do that too.
Caesar! Help!
Help!
They murdered Caesar! They murdered Caesar!
Who's here?
Dude?
Go tell the priests to perform a sacrifice, and tell me what happens.
I'm on it.
The sky and land has not been quiet tonight.
What's up, Caesar?
Do you think you're going out?
You'e not leaving the house today.
I will go out.
Those threatening me have only seen my back,
when they see my face, they'll fuck off.
Caesar,
I never paid attention to omens...
But now they're freaking me out.
One of our servants told me, The night watchmen saw some fucked up shit.
A lioness gave birth in the streets,
and graves opened up, and the dead came out.
Fierce fiery warriors fought in the clouds,
and ghosts shrieked in the streets.
Oh Caesar, this is some supernatural shit...
and it's fucking freaky.
I'm still going out
these omens are not directed at me specifically.
When beggars die, there are no comets in the sky.
The sky only lights up to announce the death of princes.
Cowards die many times before their death.
The brave only experience death once.
Of all crazy shit I've heard,
it seems to me, the weirdest shit men should fear...
is the fear of death. Because it will come...
when it comes.
What do the priests say?
They don't want you to go out today.
When they pulled out the guts of the holy sacrifice...
there was no heart inside the animal.
The gods want me to be ashamed of my cowardice.
I'm an animal without a heart, if I stay at home in fear.
So I won't stay home.
Danger is my middle name.
So I'm going out.
Shit, dude, you are full of yourself.
Don't go out today.
Tell everyone it's because of my fear, that you don't go out.
We'll send Mark Antony to the senate house,
and he'll say you're not feeling well.
Do this for me.
Mark Antony will say I'm not well.
And, for your sake, I'll stay home.
It's Decius Brutus. He'll tell them.
Hail Caesar! Good morning Caesar.
I've come to take you to the senate house.
Good timing, you can convey my greetings to the senators,
and tell them that I'm not coming.
"Cannot", is bullshit, "dare not" is more bullshit...
I'm just not coming. Tell them that, Decius.
- Say he is sick. - Would I lie about it?
Am I not badass enough
to tell some old men the truth?
Decius, tell them I'm not coming.
Caesar, give me a reason
so I won't be laughed at when I tell them.
Because I don't want to.
That is enough of a reason.
But, for your information, since you're cool, I'll tell you...
Calpurnia, my wife, wants me to stay home.
She had a dream about my statue...
It was like a fountain with a hundred spouts, streaming blood.
And many Romans were super stoked,
and washed their hands in it.
She thinks its a warning of some fucked up shit.
So she begged me to stay home today.
This dream was misinterpreted.
It was vision of kick ass shit.
Your statue spouting blood which many smiling Romans bathed in,
means that you...
will keep Rome alive,
and that great men will seek approval from your holy blood.
That's what Calpurnia's dream means.
That's a solid interpretation!
It totally is, but check this out...
The senate decided to give you a crown today.
If they hear you're not coming,
they might change their minds.
Also, someone is likely to joke:
"Postpone the senate until
Caesar's wife has better dreams."
If you don't show up
Won't they whisper, "See, Caesar is afraid" ?
Forgive me, Caesar,
because I hope for your advancement, I'm telling you this
And makes me tactless
How crazy do your fears seem now, Calpurnia!
I'm a pussy for giving in to them. Bring me my robe, I'm going!
And look here's Publius coming to get me.
- Good morning, Caesar. - Welcome, Publius.
What, Brutus, are you up this early, too?
Good morning, Casca.
Caius Ligarius, I was never your enemy so much
as the sickness that made you so thin
- What time is it? - Caesar, its after eight.
See! Even Antony, who parties all night, is awake.
- Good morning, Antony. - Same to you, Caesar.
Its my fault for holding things up.
Dudes, let's drink some wine
and after that, we'll leave together, like friends.
Hey, it's Cinna.
And Metellus. And Trebonius!
We have an hours worth of shit to discuss .
Remember to come see me today.
- Stick around, let's hang out. - Caesar, I will.
"Caesar, beware of Brutus.
Watch out for Cassius. Stay away from Casca.
Keep and eye on Cinna. Don't trust Trebonius.
Watch out for Metellus Cimber.
Decius Brutus hates you. You've fucked over Caius Ligarius.
These dudes want to fuck you up.
If you're not immortal, watch yourself.
Don't let your guard down.
May the mighty gods protect you. Artemidorus."
I'll wait here, until Caesar passes by.
If you read this, Caesar, you might live.
If not, the Fates are on the traitor's side.
It's March 15th.
Yes, Caesar, but the day is not over
Hail, Caesar! Read this letter.
Trebonius wants you to read his request for help, when you have time.
Oh Caesar, read mine first.
It affects you specifically.
I will leave whatever affects me for last.
No, Caesar, read it now.
What, is this dude fucking crazy?
Dude, step off.
You try to give Caesar a letter in the street?
Do it at the Capitol.
I hope your plan goes off without a hitch .
- What plan, Popilius? - Good luck.
What did Popilius Lena say?
He wants our plan to be successful
- I'm afraid we've been found out. - Look he's approaching Caesar. Watch him.
Brutus, what should we do?
If our plan is discovered, Caesar won't die, and I'll kill myself.
Cassius, chill out.
Popilius Lena isn't telling him about our plan, he's smiling.
and Caesar's expression hasn't changed.
Trebonius knows what to do, check it out, Brutus,
he's luring Mark Antony away.
Where is Metellus Cimber? He should give his letter to Caesar now.
He's speaking to him. Get over there and back him up.
Casca, you have to stab him first.
Is everyone ready?
What shit do I need to deal with?
Great Caesar,
Metellus Cimber kneels before you
I have to stop you, Cimber.
Your humble courtesies
might impress ordinary men, flattering them into turning Roman law
into a game of Cards Against Humanity.
Don't be so foolish to think I can be influenced
with tricks that can persuade idiots.
I mean flattery,
low bows, and dog-like begging.
Your brother was banished.
If you kneel and beg for him,
I'll kick you, like a dog, out of my way.
I'm not unjust. I won't pardon him without good reason.
Is there a voice worthier than mine
to persuade great Caesar
to repeal my brother's banishment?
I kiss your hand, but not to flatter you, Caesar,
I also want you to repeal Publius Cimber's banishment immediately.
Seriously, Brutus?
Pardon, Caesar. Caesar, pardon him.
I fall to your feet
to beg you to restore Publius Cimber's citizenship.
I could be be convinced, if I was an idiot like you.
begging is not going to change my mind.
I'm as unwavering as the northern star,
which is more anchored than anything else in the sky.
The skies are filled with countless stars.
They're all made of fire and they all shine.
but only one of them stands firm.
In the world, there are a lot of people,
they are human and have feelings.
But of all of them, I only know one
that stands firm, not giving in to emotions.
That's me. Here is an example...
I was dead set that Cimber should be banished,
and I stand firm on my decision.
- O, Caesar! - Fuck off!
Are you trying to move mountains?
- Even Brutus' begging doesn't mean shit. - Die, Motherfucker!
You too, Brutus?
Then I'm fucked.
Liberty! Freedom!
Tyranny is dead!
Run and shout it in the streets!
Go to the pulpits and shout, "Liberty, freedom, democracy!"
People and Senators, don't be afraid.
Don't leave. Stay here. Only Caesar had to die.
- Go to the pulpit, Brutus. - Where's Publius?
Here, he's fucking flabbergasted by this rebellion.
Let's stand our ground, In case a friend of Caesar tries to...
Fuck standing. Publius, chill out.
We don't intend to harm you or any other Roman.
Tell the people that, Publius.
- Where is Antony? - He ran to his house, in shock.
Everyone is shouting and running around, as if it was the apocalypse!
Get out of here, Publius.
So the angry mob won't hurt you.
Go. Only us that killed Caesar should face the consequences.
We'll soon find out what fate has in store for us.
We will all die someday, we know that.
It's just a matter of when. We all try to prolong that.
If you shorten your life by 20 years, thats 20 years you're not worrying about death.
So then, death is a gift.
So we're Caesar's friends, since we've shortened his time spent fearing death.
Kneel, Romans, kneel, and let's wash our hands in Caesar's blood.
How many years from now will this epic scene be reenacted.
In countries and languages that don't exist yet.
How many times will Caesar bleed again in a theatrical production.
Now laying at the foot of Pompey's statue, worthless as a pile of shit.
Every time that play is shown
our group will be hailed as the men who gave their country liberty.
Wait, who's this?
A friend of Antony's.
Brutus, Mark Antony told me to kneel, like this.
And from this position he told me to say
"Brutus is noble, wise, brave and honest.
Caesar was mighty, bold, royal and loving.
I love Brutus and honor him.
I feared Caesar, honored him and loved him.
If Brutus will guarantee my Safety, I will come
to be convinced that Caesar deserved to be killed.
Mark Antony does not love dead Caesar as much as living Brutus,
and will follow Brutus
through this fucked up shit.
for real."
That's what Mark Antony says.
Mark Antony is a wise and brave Roman. I never thought otherwise.
Tell him, if he comes here I'll explain everything.
and, I swear, he won't be harmed.
I'll go get him now.
I know he'll be on our side.
I hope so.
But I'm still afraid of him,
and my hunches are usually accurate.
Welcome, Mark Antony.
Oh mighty Caesar, dead on the floor.
Have all your conquests, glories, triumphs, achievements,
amounted to shit?
Goodbye.
I don't know what else you guys have in mind,
who else you must kill that you think is corrupt.
If its me, there is no time better than now
and no weapons half as worthy as your swords,
covered in the most noble blood of all.
Please, if you hate me,
while your stained hands still reek of blood, kill me now.
I can't imagine another moment I'd be more ready to die.
There's no place I'd rather die, than next to Caesar,
and killed by you,
the leaders of this new era.
Oh Antony, don't beg us to kill you.
We must seem ruthless and violent...
because of this shit you've seen us do
but you are only seeing our hands, and the shit they've done.
You don't see our good intentions.
We intend to right the wrongs against Rome.
Fire had to be fought with fire, so we had to kill Caesar.
Your influence will be as strong as anyone's, in the selection of a new government.
Just chill, until we've calmed the citizens
who are freaking out.
And then we'll explain to you why I,
who loved Caesar when I stabbed him, still did it.
I get it now.
Each of you, give me your bloody hand.
First, Marcus Brutus, I'll shake yours.
Then, Caius Cassius, I'll shake your hand.
And Decius Brutus, I'll shake your hand.
Your hand, Metellus.
Your hand, Cinna.
And brave Casca, your hand.
And last, but not least, your hand, Trebonius.
You are all good dudes.
Shit, what can I say? My credibility is
is now suspect, in one of two bad ways,
you must think I am either a coward or a brown-noser.
I loved you Caesar, for real.
If your spirit is looking down on us now,
it must hurt you, even more than your death,
to see your Antony making peace,
shaking the hands of your enemies, while you lie there dead.
If I had as many eyes as you have wounds,
crying as much as your wounds spout blood.
I'd prefer that over being friends with your enemies.
- Mark Antony? - Excuse me, Caius Cassius!
Even Caesar's enemies would say the same.
From a friend, it's an honest assessment.
I don't blame you for praising Caesar,
but what agreement will we come to?
Will you be our friend,
or should we brush you off?
I shook your hands in friendship,
but I was distracted by Caesar's dead body.
We can all be best buds...
on one condition...
if you can explain to me why Caesar was dangerous.
Otherwise his death would be super fucked up.
Our reasons are so legit
that even if you were Caesar's son, you'd agree.
That's all I want,
and I ask that I can bring his body to the marketplace.
and stand on the platform to speak at his funeral.
- You will, Mark Antony. - Brutus, can we talk about this.
Don't let Antony speak at his funeral.
You know how riled up the people might get
- by what he says? - If its okay with you,
I'll speak first, and explain the reason for Caesar's death.
I will announce that Antony speaks because we let him.
and that we believe that Caesar should be honored with the usual ceremonies.
It'll help us more than hurt us.
I'm worried about what could happen. I don't like this plan.
Mark Antony, take Caesar's body.
In your funeral speech you will not blame us.
Say whatever good things you want about Caesar,
and say you're speaking because we let you.
Or else you will not participate in the funeral
and you'll speak on the same platform I do
after I finish my speech.
That's cool. That's all I want.
Oh, forgive me, you bleeding corpse,
for being polite and friendly to these maniacs.
You are the remains of the greatest man that ever lived.
Fuck those guys who killed you.
Over your wounds, I predict...
which like silent mouths open their red lips
begging me to speak.
a curse will come down on us.
Civil war will break out in Italy.
Blood and destruction will be so common
that mothers will just smile when they see their babies
cut to pieces because of war.
compassion stifled by so much fucked up shit.
And Caesar's ghost,
searching for revenge, will come back from from hell,
and shout, with the voice of a king, "You are all fucked!"
and unleash the dogs of war.
Men's stinking corpses will cover the Earth
begging to be buried.
Caesar!
Romans!
Fellow citizens!
I'll listen to Brutus!
Let me explain!
Shut the fuck up! Brutus is talking!
Romans,
fellow citizens,
Chill out until I finish!
Let me explain, shut up and listen.
I'm keeping it real, no cap.
you know I'm the shit, so believe what I say.
I want your feedback, but be woke,
so you can judge me better.
Caesar! Caesar!
Caesar!
If there is anyone here...
Who was Caesar's BFF,
I'd tell him, I loved Caesar as much as he did.
If he demands to know why I killed Caesar,
this is my answer...
It wasn't that I loved Caesar less, but that I loved Rome more.
Would you rather Caesar lived, and all die as slaves,
than Caesar be dead, and all live as free men?
- No! - No!
No!
Because Caesar was my friend, I cry for him.
Because he was successful, I'm happy for him.
Because he was brave, I honor him.
But because he was power hungry, I killed him.
There's tears for his friendship, happiness for his success,
honor for his bravery, and death for being power hungry.
Who here is such a tool that he wants to be a slave?
Speak up, you're who I'm offending.
Who here is so ghetto that they don't want to be a Roman?
Speak up, you're who I'm offending.
Who here is such a piece of shit that he doesn't love his country?
Speak up, you're who I'm offending.
I'll wait for a response.
None, Brutus. None!
None! None! None!
None!
Then I haven't offended anyone.
I haven't done any more to Caesar than you would do to me.
The reasons for his death are on record at the Capitol.
His glory was not downplayed, when he earned it.
and his offenses not exaggerated,
which got him killed.
Here comes his body,
mourned by Mark Antony,
who, though he had no part in the killing, will benefit from Caesar's death...
Being included in Roman Democracy, as you all will.
One last thing.
Just as I killed Caesar for the good of Rome,
I'll kill myself with the same dagger,
when you guys want me to.
Live, Brutus!
Live! Live!
Let's carry him in triumph to his house!
Build a statue him near those of his ancestors!
Live! Live!
Let him become Caesar!
We will crown Brutus, he has Caesar's best qualities.
Hurray! Hurray!
Fellow Romans...
Shut the fuck up!
Brutus is talking!
Fellow Romans, let me be the only one leaving.
and for my sake, stay here with Antony.
to honor Caesar's corpse,
and honor Antony's speech about Caesar's glories,
which Mark Antony, because we let him, is allowed to do.
Please, no one leave,
except for just me, until Antony finishes his speech.
Wait! Let's listen to Mark Antony!
Let him go up to the platform. We'll listen to him.
Antony, go up to the platform.
For Brutus' sake, I am indebted to you.
What did he say about Brutus?
He said for Brutus' sake, he's indebted to us.
He better not talk shit about Brutus!
- Caesar was a tyrant! - That's for sure.
We are lucky to be rid of him!
Hey Romans.
Hey Romans, listen to me!
Friends, Romans, fellow citizens, pay attention to me!
I've come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil men do is remembered after they die, but the good they've done dies with them.
So let it be like that for Caesar.
Brutus told you that Caesar was power-hungry.
If that's true it was a serious fault,
and Caesar paid seriously for it.
Now with permission of Brutus and the others, because Brutus is good dude,
they are all good dudes,
I've come to speak at Caesar's funeral.
He was my friend, loyal and fair to me.
But Brutus says he was power hungry,
and Brutus is a stand up dude.
He brought many captives back to Rome,
whose ransoms made us a lot of money. Does that make Caesar power hungry?
When the poor cried, Caesar cried.
Being power hungry is not to be tender-hearted.
But Brutus says he was power hungry,
and Brutus is a stand up dude.
You all saw me offer Caesar a king's crown, three times,
which he refused every time.
Is that someone who is power hungry?
But Brutus says he was power hungry, and of course Brutus is a stand up dude.
I'm not trying to contradict Brutus,
but to say what I know...
You loved Caesar once, for good reason.
Why wouldn't you mourn for him?
Everyone has gone beast mode,
straight up trippin' !
Hold on, I'm getting emotional.
Give me a sec to get my shit together.
That makes a lotta sense.
If you think about it that way, Caesar got fucked over.
Seriously, dudes?
I'm worried someone worse will replace him.
Did you hear Antony?
Caesar refused the crown.
So he definitely wasn't power hungry.
If that can be proven, then someone is fucked.
There's not more stand up dude in Rome than Antony.
Listen to him, he's about to speak again.
Poor man. His eyes are all red from crying.
Just yesterday, Caesar's commands would not be questioned.
Now he lies there, dead. And no one is giving him any respect.
Dudes!
If I was trying to rile you all up to start a rebellion
I'd be fucking over Brutus and Cassius.
who, you all know, are stand up dudes.
I won't fuck them over. Instead, I'll fuck over Caesar,
and to to fuck over myself and you, than to fuck over such stand up dudes.
But here's a document
with Caesar's seal. I found it in his room. It's his will.
If the people heard it...
which, excuse me, I don't plan to read.
They would go kiss Caesar's wounds,
and dip their handkerchiefs in his blessed blood,
and even beg for a lock of hair which would be included it in their wills,
passing it on as an heirloom to their kids.
We want to hear the will. Read it, Mark Antony!
We want to hear Caesar's will!
The will! The will! Read it!
Chill out, dudes! I can't read it.
It's not right for you to know how much Caesar loved you.
You are not inanimate objects, you are human.
And being human, hearing Caesar's will,
will piss you off, you'll go nuts.
It's better that you don't know that you are his heirs.
Because if you did, what would happen?
Read the will. We want to hear it, Antony!
Read Caesar's will to us!
Read us the will!
Will you chill out for a hot minute?
I've already hyped it up too much.
I'm worried I've fucked over the stand up dudes who killed Caesar.
They were traitors. not "stand up dudes"!
- They were assholes, murderers! - The will!
The will! The will!
You force me to read the will?
Then circle around Caesar's dead body,
and let me show you the man who made this will.
Should I come down, and will you let me?
Come down! Come down!
If you have tears,
Get ready to cry.
You all recognize this cloak.
I remember the first time Caesar wore it.
It was on a summer's evening in his tent that day he defeated the Nervii.
Look, that's where Cassius stabbed him.
Look at the wound that Casca made.
Through this hole, beloved Brutus stabbed him,
and, as he withdrew his dagger, check out how Caesar's blood spewed,
as if rushing to a door, to see if Brutus knocked so rudely.
Because, as you know, Brutus was Caesar's BFF.
Caesar fucking loved him!
This was the most fucked up stab of all.
Because when he stabbed Caesar, it was Brutus' ingratitude,
more powerful than the traitor's weapons, that killed him.
Then his mighty heart burst, and, with his cloak covering his face,
At the base of Pompey's statue, which was covered in blood,
great Caesar died.
Oh, what a death it was, dudes!
Then I,
and you, and all of us died,
while bloody traitors celebrated victory
Oh.
Now you cry.
And I see you feel the pain of pity.
Those tears are legit.
Dudes, you're crying over Caesar's cut up cloak?
Look right here!
It's Caesar himself, stabbed by traitors.
Oh noble Caesar.
That's Fucked up!
Traitors. Assholes.
- We will get revenge! - Kill the traitors!
Chill, dudes!
Dudes, Dudes, don't let me rile you up
and cause a riot.
Those guys who killed Caesar are stand up dudes.
I don't know their personal grudges
that made them do it.
They are stand up dudes,
and will certainly explain their actions.
I'm not here dudes, to steal your loyalty
I'm no public speaker like Brutus
but, as you all know, I speak plainly
and I loved my friend, they know that, those traitors
that let me speak publicly about him.
but I'm not so clever, eloquent, reputable,
or know what to say to incite a riot
I just say what I think, which you already know.
I show you sweet Caesar's wounds, poor, poor dumb mouths,
and ask them to speak for me.
But if I was Brutus, and Brutus was me,
Then I could incite a riot!
and put a voice in every wound of Caesar
that would inspire even the stones of Rome to fuck shit up.
We'll burn down Brutus' house!
- Wait, listen to me, dudes! - We'll riot!
Wait, listen to me!
You don't know what you're doing.
What has Caesar done to deserve your love?
You don't know. I'll tell you, then.
You've forgotten the will I told you about.
The will!
This is the will, marked by Caesar's seal.
To every Roman citizen he gives,
75 drachmas!
In addition, he's left you all of his walkways
his private gardens and orchards
He's left them to you and your heirs forever.
Public parks where you can chill.
Here was a Caesar.
When will there be another like him?
Never, never!
Get fire!
let's fuck shit up!
These are the guys who will be assassinated.
Your brother must die too.
- Do you agree, Lepidus? - I agree.
Mark him down.
As long as Publius dies.
He's your nephew, Mark Antony.
He'll die. I'm writing down his name,
Lepidus, go get Caesar's will,
and we'll figure out a way to reduce his gifts to the people.
Should I meet your here?
Here, or at the Capitol.
That dude sucks.
Only good for sending on errands.
Does it make sense that he should rule a third of the world?
You thought so.
And listened to his opinion about who should be marked for death.
Octavius, I've lived longer than you.
and though we are hooking this dude up
for sharing the blame for our scheme.
He'll act like a jackass carrying gold,
complaining, as we lead the way.
And once he's delivered our treasure,
we'll relive him of that burden and set him out to pasture,
like a jackass, to shake his ears and graze the pasture.
Do what you want, but he's an experienced and brave soldier.
So is my horse, Octavius, so I give him all the hay he wants.
And now, Octavius, listen to more important things.
Brutus and Cassius are building armies.
We must do the same.
We should join forces,
let's go discuss
how we can find out their secrets
and how to respond to them.
Let's do it, because we are surrounded by many enemies,
and some pretend to be on our side, but actually want to fuck us over.
Stop!
Pass on the command, stop!
Stop!
Stop.
What's up, Lucilius? Is Cassius nearby?
He's close by, and Pindarus has come to greet you on his master's behalf.
He sent a good dude to greet me.
Your master, Pindarus, has changed his mind,
it's made me think we shouldn't have pulled the shit we did.
He will explain himself.
I'm sure he will prove himself to be
exactly what he is, a total stand up dude.
I'm sure he is.
Let's talk, Lucilius. How did Cassius greet you?
He greeted me cordially, but not like a friend,
or with any friendly banter like he used to.
That's called "giving the cold shoulder"
Check this out, Lucilius, when a friend gets sick of you,
what's left are awkward formalities.
no one acts phony, if they're a real friend.
Stop!
Dude, you've fucked me over!
Do I mistreat my enemies?
why would I fuck over a friend?
Brutus, you are acting all chill, but you doing fucked up shit.
Cassius, chill out, and keep your voice down
You are full of shit.
Let's not fight in front of our armies they should think we're friends.
You fucked me over by talking shit
about Lucius Pella for taking bribes from the Sardinians.
My letters asking you to be lenient to him were ignored.
You fucked yourself by standing up for him.
In a time like this you shouldn't focus on such bullshit.
Let me tell you, Cassius, you are often accused
of being greedy.
Selling positions in your army to fuck heads.
Me, greedy!?
You know that if you were anyone else, you'd be dead.
But since you're cool with their shit
there is no punishment.
Punishment!?
Remember March, March 15th, remember.
Didn't great Julius die for the sake of justice?
What asshole stabbed him for a cause other than justice?
Did we strike down the most powerful man in the world
for being greedy, and now we dirty our hands by taking bribes
and use our positions to get as much money
as we can get?
I'd rather be a dog and howl at the moon.
Brutus, don't piss me off. I won't take it.
Check yourself, step the fuck off.
I am a soldier, more experienced. and more qualified to make these decisions.
Fuck off. No you're not.
- I am. - You're not.
Stop provoking me, I'll loose my shit.
If you value your life, Step the fuck off.
Fuck off, little man.
What the fuck?
Do I have to put up with your meltdowns?
Should I be frightened by your crazy eyes?
For fucks sake, do I have to listen to all your shit?
All this! And more. Rage until your proud heart breaks.
Go show your slaves what an asshole you are, and make your servants tremble.
Should I back down? Should I put up with your shit?
Should I hide in fear when you're in a bad mood?
For fucks sake, bite the bullet.
From now on
it will be fucking hilarious to me when you blow a fuse.
Has it come to this?
You say you're a better soldier.
Prove it. Make your boasting come true, I'll be fucking ecstatic.
I'm happy to learn from noble men.
You're doing me dirty, Brutus.
I said an older soldier, not a better one.
- Did I say better? - If you did, I don't give a shit.
Caesar never pissed me off this much
Shut the fuck up! You never pissed HIM off.
- I wouldn't have dared! - No!
What, dare not piss him off?
Not on your life!
Don't count on our friendship. I might do something I'll regret.
You've already done something to regret.
Cassius, your threats are bullshit, because I am in the right
they pass by me like a subtle breeze that I barely notice.
I asked you for money and you refused.
because I won't get money in any fucked up way
I asked you for money to pay my soldiers and you refused.
Is that how you roll?
- Did not! - Did so!
Did not! The dude who told you that is an idiot.
Brutus you've broken my heart.
A friend should put up with his friend's weaknesses,
but you exaggerate mine.
I don't until you pull that shit on me.
- You hate me. - I hate you flaws.
A friend would overlook those flaws.
An ass-kisser wouldn't
even though they are as huge as Mount Olympus.
Ok fine, Antony and Octavius
fuck me over.
I don't give a shit.
My friend hates me, and fucks me over.
scolded like a servant, all my faults noted,
written down in a notebook, so they can be thrown back in my face.
Oh, I could cry my soul from my eyes!
Here's my dagger, and my bare chest.
If you are a Roman, then kill me.
I refused you gold, so kill me.
Stab me, like you stabbed Caesar,
Because even though you hated him most...
you hate me more.
Put your dagger away.
Loose your shit, I won't stop you.
Do what you want, you're just in a bad mood.
Have I lived this long to be mocked by you
for losing my shit?
When I said that, I was angry too.
You admit that?
- Give me your hand. - And my heart, too.
Oh, Brutus, do you care about me enough to put up with me
when the bad temper, I inherited from my mother, makes me forget how to act.
Yes, Cassius.
And from now on, when you are angry with me....
I'll assume its your mother speaking, and leave it at that.
Lucilius, order the commanders to prepare to camp for the night.
And then come back quickly, And bring Messala with you.
Lucius
Bring a carafe of wine.
I didn't think you could get so angry.
Oh Cassius, I'm worn out from grief.
You are not living by your philosophy, if you let bad luck upset you.
No one is grieving more than I am.
Portia is dead.
Portia?
She is dead.
How did you resist killing me when we argued just now?
Oh, that is fucked up!
What sickness did she die of?
Worried about me being away and worried that Octavius
and Mark Antony have become so strong,
which I also just heard about.
She spiraled into depression
and, when her servants were away, she swallowed burning coals.
That's how she died?
Yes, that's how.
holy shit!
Shut up about her.
With this drink, our beef is squashed.
I'm super into that.
Come in, Lucilius.
Welcome, Messala.
Now, let's sit around this candle and talk this shit out.
- Portia, are you really dead? - Shut up about that, please.
Messala, I have received letters
saying that young Octavius and Mark Antony are prepared to fuck up some shit.
heading toward Philippi.
I've gotten letters saying the same.
Do they say anything else?
That by legal proclamations
Octavius, Antony and Lepidus have put to death 100 senators.
On that point our letters don't agree.
My letters say only 70 senators were killed.
Cicero was one.
- Cicero? - Cicero is dead,
and by that same proclamation.
Have you gotten letters from your wife?
No, Messala.
The letters you got don't mention her?
No, Messala.
Well, on to matters of the living.
Should we march to Philippi immediately?
-Not a good idea. - Why?
It's this... It's better for the enemy to come to us.
So he'll waste his supplies and tire out his soldiers.
Meanwhile, we will be rested and strong.
Those reasons aren't good enough.
The people living between Philippi and here
are only loyal to us out of fear.
Listen, dude!
Let me finish.
Keep in mind, we've gotten all we can from our supporters.
Our army is strong, now is the time.
The enemy gets larger every day. We, now at maximum, can only decrease.
There is an ebb and flow in war.
Acting at your high point, leads to victory.
If we miss this opportunity, shit is going to suck.
We are at our highest
and we must take this opportunity, or lose out.
If that's what you want, let's do it.
We'll go with you, and meet the enemy at Philippi.
Anything else to discuss?
Nothing else.
Good night.
Early tomorrow we'll get up and go.
Lucius, get my pajamas!
- Good night, Lucilius. - Good night, dude.
Later, Messala.
Good night, Brutus.
Noble, noble Cassius, good night, and sleep well.
Bro...
That wasn't a great start to the night.
Let's not fight like that again.
Let's not, Brutus.
It's all good.
Good night, dude.
Good night, bro.
- Where is your lute? - Here in the tent, sir.
You speak like you're tired?
Poor boy, I don't blame you, you've been up too long.
Call Claudius and some of my other men.
I'll have them sleep on cushions in my tent.
Varro and Claudius.
Look, Lucius, here's the book I was looking for.
I put it in the pocket of my pajamas.
I told you I didn't have it.
Sorry, dude. I'm very forgetful.
Can you stay up for a bit,
and play a song or two?
Sure, if it'd make you happy.
It would, my boy, I ask too much of you.
It's my duty, sir.
I shouldn't ask more of you than you are able to.
I know the young need rest.
I've already slept.
That was smart, and you'll sleep more.
I won't keep you very long.
If I survive, I'll be good to you.
This song is putting me to sleep.
Oh, deadening sleep,
Have you taken over my boy who plays music for you?
Dear boy, good night. I won't trouble you so much as to wake you.
And, good boy, good night.
Let me see, let me see. Didn't I use a bookmark?
Here it is, I think.
This candle is so dim.
Who's there?
I think my bad eyesight is making me see this fucked up ghost.
Are you real?
Are you a god, an angel, or a devil,
that makes my blood run cold and my hair stand on end.
Tell me what you are!
Your evil spirit, Brutus.
Why are you here?
To tell you that you'll see me at Philippi.
Well, then I will see you again.
Yes, at Philippi.
Okay.
Then I will see you at Philippi!
Now that I've found the courage to talk to you, you disappear.
Evil spirit, I want to talk some more!
Boy, Lucius! Lucius, wake up!
Dude?
Were you dreaming, Lucius, is that why you cried out?
I don't think I cried out.
Yes, you did. Did you see anything?
I didn't see anything.
Varro! Claudius! Wake up!
Why did you cry out in your sleep?
Did we cry out?
Yes. Did you see anything?
- No, I didn't see anything. - Me neither.
Give a message to Cassius.
order him to get his soldiers marching and we'll follow.
I'm on it.
Now, Brutus, may the gods be on our side today,
so we, who love peace, can live to be old men.
But, since the result of this conflict is still uncertain,
let's think about the worst that could happen.
If we lose this battle, then this will be the last time we'll speak.
If we lose, what's your plan?
Don't even think I would return to Rome in chains
My ego is too big.
Today we'll end the work we started on March 15th.
I don't know if we'll meet again.
So, goodbye forever.
Forever and ever, goodbye, Cassius.
If we do meet again, that will be a happy time.
If not, then saying goodbye forever was appropriate.
Forever and ever goodbye, Brutus.
If we meet again, it will be a happy time for sure.
If not, this was a good way to part.
Then, lead on.
Oh, I wish I knew what will happen before it happens.
But it's enough to know the day will end, and then we'll know the outcome.
- Messala. - What's up General?
Messala, today is my birthday. I was born on this day.
Give me your hand, Messala.
Be my witness that I was forced, as Pompey was,
to gamble all of our freedoms on one battle.
Retreat further, dude, retreat further!
This hill is far enough.
Check this out, Titinius.
Are those my tents on fire?
Totally, dude.
Titinius, if we're friends, get on your horse
and ride as fast as you can,
until you get to those troops and back again.
I need to know if those troops are friends or enemies.
I will be there and back, lickity split.
Go, Pindarus, climb higher up that hill.
I can't see shit.
Watch Titinius, and tell me what you see in the battlefield.
Today I breathed my first breath [It's his birthday]
The circle of life,
I'll die when I was born.
My life's circle is complete.
- Dude! - What's up?
Oh shit, dude!
Titinius is surrounded by horsemen riding toward him quickly.
But he's still going.
They're almost on him.
Now, Titinius! Now! Now!
They got him.
Come down. Stop watching.
Oh, what a coward I am, to live long enough
to see my best friend taken before my eyes.
Come here, scrub.
In Parthia I took you prisoner,
and I made you swear, because I spared your life
that whatever I ordered you to do, you would do it.
So keep your promise.
Now you'll be a free man.
take this sword, which ran through Caesar's guts,
and stab me with it.
Don't ask questions. take it!
Stab me with the sword.
Come on, keep your promise!
Where is he?
Safe, Octavius. Brutus is safe enough.
I assure you that no enemy will take Brutus alive.
Keep fighting, dudes! Don't give up!
Come, last of my friends, rest on this rock.
Oh, Julius Caesar, you are still a badass motherfucker.
Your ghost walks among us.
and turns our swords toward our own guts.
Listen, Clitus.
Who, me, dude?
No, fuck that.
- Shut up then - I'd rather kill myself.
Come here, Volumnius. Listen a minute.
What's up, dude?
It's this, Volumnius
The ghost of Caesar has appeared to me twice at night,
at Sardis once, and last night here in Philippi fields.
It's game over for me.
No, dude.
No, I'm sure it is, Volumnius.
You understand the world, Volumnius, and how it works.
Our enemies have driven us to the edge of the grave
It is nobler to leap in, than wait until they push us.
Volumnius, you know that we went to school together.
For the sake of our long friendship, hold my sword,
while I impale myself on it.
That's not job for a friend, dude.
Run, run, dude! we can't stay here.
Goodbye to you, and you, and you, Volumnius.
Dudes, my heart rejoices that in all my life,
I've found such dear friends.
I'll have glory in defeat, more than Octavius and Mark Antony
will have in their fucked up victory.
So, goodbye now.
because my tongue has almost finished speaking.
I see only darkness. My bones are ready to rest,
which have held me up until now.
Please, Strato, stay with me.
you are a respectable dude.
You've had an honorable life.
so hold my sword, and turn your head away,
while I impale myself on it.
Will you do it, Strato?
First, give me your hand.
Goodbye, dude.
Goodbye, Strato.
Caesar, you can rest now.
I didn't kill you half as willingly as I kill myself.
We'll treat him as he was revered.
with the highest respect and proper burial rites.
In my tent, his body will lie like a soldier
with honorable observance.
He was the most badass Roman.
All the conspirators, except for him, killed Caesar out of jealousy.
He alone, did it for the general good.
His life was noble.
He was so fucking cool
that the universe would declare to the world...
"Now THAT was a dude."