Subtitles by DJ Hupp BardSubs.com
What's up, Rome!
Victorious... even in your mourning clothes!
Like the ship coming home
returning with treasures from abroad.
Back to where it started from
Andronicus comes crowned with laurels of victory,
to greet his country again with tears.
You should be super stoked about the ceremonies we have planned!
Romans, these 25 soldiers,
Look at them. They are all that's left.
These survivors deserve your love and gratitude.
Those who died...
will be buried with their ancestors.
I can finally sheath my sword.
Titus, you have been an asshole to your children.
why did you leave your dead sons,
on the shores of the Styx?
Stand aside! so I can bury them with their brothers!
Oh sacred home of my children,
Home sweet home,
how many of my sons...
have to die?
And now you can speak in silence, as the dead do
and rest in peace,
you who died fighting for our country.
Give us the most badass Goth prisoner...
so we can sever his limbs and on a pyre,
for the spirits of our brothers...
Sacrifice him.
So their sprits will be at rest,
and they won't haunt us.
I present to you, the most badass of my prisoners,
the oldest son of the defeated queen.
No! Stop, Roman friends!
Gracious conqueror,
victorious Titus, pity the tears I shed-
They are a mother's tears grieving for her son.
If you ever loved your sons,
Imagine that I love my son just as much.
Isn't it enough that we were brought to Rome...
to add to your victory,
as your prisoners?
Do my sons have to be slaughtered in the streets...
because they fought to protect their homeland?
Your sons were brave enough to fight for their country
mine were too.
Andronicus,
don't stain your tomb with blood.
Don't you want to be like a god?
Be like a god, be merciful.
Mercy is the truest sign of nobility.
Titus...
Don't kill my first-born son.
Chill the fuck out, and forgive me.
These are their brothers, who your Goths encountered...
alive and dead,
and for their dead brothers,
they want a holy sacrifice.
Your son must die
to satisfy the spirits of the dead.
Take him away! and build a fire
And with our swords, on a pile of wood...
let's put his severed his limbs, until they are consumed by flames.
Fucked up blasphemy!
Were the Scythians ever so barbaric?
Don't compare Scythia to power-hungry Rome.
Alarbus is dead
and we survive only as Titus' prisoners.
Prepare to die,
but don't give up hope that the gods might favor Tamora,
the Queen of Goths,
to give her enemies what they deserve.
The Roman sacrifice has been done.
Alarbus' limbs are severed
and his guts fuel the fire.
The only thing left to do, is bury our brothers...
and with loud trumpets, welcome them to Rome.
Rest in peace and honor, my sons,
safe from bad luck and accidents.
Here there is no treason
No envy
No poisonous plants
No storms
no noise
just silence and eternal sleep.
In peace and honor rest here, my sons.
In peace and honor long live Lord Titus.
Everyone thinks you're the shit!
At this tomb, I cry...
for my brothers.
And I kneel at your feet, with tears of joy...
for your return to Rome.
Bless me with your victorious hand.
Kind Rome, has given with love
the the medicine that makes my heart happy.
Lavinia, live on.
Outlive your father, and may everyone remember you,
for your virtue.
Noble patricians, supporters of my right to rule,
defend my just cause with weapons!
And, countrymen, my loyal followers,
fight for my inheritance with your swords!
Romans, friends, followers, supporters of my right to rule,
if Bassianus, Caesar's son,
was ever acceptable in the eyes of royal Rome,
then fuck this guy!
I am the first-born son!
of the last emperor of Rome.
Don't let dishonor come to the imperial throne
where there should only be virtue,
justice, restraint, and nobility!
So let me take the crown!
Don't make me lower myself to ask for it!
Instead, elect someone who deserves it.
and, Romans, fight for the freedom to choose your emperor.
Princes...
that fight each other...
to be emperor!
The people of Rome have voted...
and have chosen the Roman emperor to be Andronicus.
A nobler man,
a braver warrior, does not exist in this city.
The senate has summoned him home from an exhausting war...
against the barbaric Goths.
We ask you, out of respect for the dead emperor,
that you back the fuck off, dismiss your followers,
and make your case peacefully...
and humbly.
Marcus Andronicus,
I have much respect for your honesty and integrity,
and I love and honor you and your family.
Your noble brother Titus and his sons...
and the object of my affection,
lovely Lavinia, Rome's treasure
I will dismiss my followers
And let the people
decide my fate.
Friends...
and supporters,
I thank you all and dismiss you all.
Relying only on the love and respect of my country...
to judge me
and my cause!
Rome...
be as fair and generous to me...
as I am trusting and kind to you.
Open the gates and let me in!
Long live Lord Titus, my beloved brother.
Thanks, kind tribune,
noble brother Marcus.
And welcome, nephews, from successful wars,
Those that live and those that died.
Titus Andronicus,
the people of Rome have sent me,
their tribune and their representative,
to give you this white candidate's robe
and to ask you to run for emperor
against the dead emperor's sons.
Be a candidate then,
and put on the robe,
You could be the head... Rome is without a head.
Rome deserves a better head...
than one that shakes with age and weakness.
Rome, I have been you soldier for 40 years...
and led my country's army successfully
and buried 21 brave sons.
Give me a staff of honor in my old age,
not a scepter to rule the world.
The last emperor was stronger than I am.
You can be emperor, if you want to.
Proud and ambitious tribune, how do you know that?
Chill out, Prince Saturnine. Romans!
Do right by me!
Patricians, draw your swords and don't put them away...
until Saturninus is Rome's emperor!
Andronicus, I'll see you in hell...
before you steal the love of the people from me!
Arrogant Saturnine, you interrupted Titus,
When he's trying to do you a solid.
It's all good, prince.
I will make the people love you again
and make them be cool with denying them what they want.
Andronicus,
I say without flattery, I respect you
and I will until I die.
If you give me your support,
I will be very grateful.
People of Rome and their representatives here,
I ask you for your vote.
Will you let me choose the next emperor?
To please the good Andronicus...
and celebrate his safe return to Rome,
the people will accept whoever he recommends.
Representatives, thank you, I ask you to elect...
the emperor's oldest son,
Lord Saturnine, whose virtues will, I hope,
will shine on Rome like the sun.
So if you elect him on my recommendation,
crown him and say,
"Long live our emperor!"
Long live our emperor Saturnine!
Patricians and plebeians,
we elect Lord Saturninus Rome's great emperor...
and say, "Long live our Emperor Saturnine!"
Titus Andronicus,
for the solid you did for me at the election today,
I thank you, thats only part of your reward...
I'll repay you with all the hook ups.
And, to start with, Titus,
to promote your name and honorable family,
I will make Lavinia my empress,
The royal mistress of Rome,
mistress of my heart
And in the sacred pantheon we'll get married.
Tell me, Andronicus, do you like this idea?
Yeah... cool
I feel honored.
And here, with all of Rome as witnesses,
to Saturnine, king and commander of our nation,
the wide world's emperor,
I give you my sword, my chariot, and my prisoners,
presents deserving of Rome's emperor.
Thanks, noble Titus,
father of my life.
I am super proud of you and your gifts...
Rome will take note.
And if I forget these amazing gifts,
Romans, you can renounce your loyalty to me.
Now, madam, you are the prisoner of an emperor
out of respect for your honor and rank,
he will treat you and your followers well.
A lovely lady.
Trust me, she is the type...
that I would choose, if I had to choose again.
Turn that frown upside down beautiful queen.
Although the fortunes of war have made you miserable,
You won't be humiliated in Rome.
You'll be treated like a queen...
in every way.
Trust me,
and don't let grief blight your hopes.
Madam, the man that comforts you...
can make you greater than the Queen of Goths.
Lavinia, doesn't this piss you off?
Not me, my lord.
since true nobility justifies that he speaks...
nobly and courteously.
Thanks, sweet Lavinia.
Romans, let us go!
We set these prisoners free without ransom.
Announce my new position, lords, with trumpets and drums.
Titus, with all due respect, this girl is mine.
What?! Are you fucking serious?
Yes, and I'm prepared to fight for her.
The prince is only taking what's his by law.
And he will take it as long as Lucius is alive.
Traitors, get the fuck out of here!
Where are the emperor's guards?
Treason, my lord, Lavinia has been ambushed!
Ambushed? By whom?
By the guy that has every right to carry his fiancee away.
Don't worry, I'll bring her back.
Brothers, help me take her away!
And with my sword, I'll guard this door.
My lord, you cannot pass.
What, you fucktard?
You stand in my way in Rome, huh?
Help! Lucius!
My lord! You are wrong!
And more importantly,
in your misguided fight, you killed your son.
Neither you nor he are my sons.
My real sons would never shame me like this.
Traitor!
Give Lavinia back to the emperor.
I'll give her to you dead, if you want but she'll never be his wife
She is lawfully engaged to someone else.
No, Titus, no!
The emperor doesn't need her!
Not her or you or any of your family!
I can never trust someone that has made a fool out of me.
So I'll never trust you!
or your traitorous, arrogant sons,
You all conspired to dishonor me.
Get about your business. Go!
A brave son-in-law you will have,
one well suited to brawl with your hooligan sons!
And so, lovely Tamora,
Queen of Goths,
if you accept my impulsive proposal,
Get ready for this...
I choose you, Tamora, to be my wife
and will make you empress of Rome.
Speak, Queen of Goths. what do you think?
If Saturnine marries me,
I will facilitate all his desires,
Like a nurse or a mother would.
Rise, beautiful queen, to the pantheon.
Lords, come with your noble emperor
and his lovely bride.
There, we will sign the marriage license.
I'm not invited!?
I've been snubbed?
Oh Titus, look.
Oh, look what you've done
in an unjustified fight you've killed your son.
No, you fucktard, no.
he wasn't my son, nor are you, or are any of
your accomplices that aim to dishonor my family.
But we should at least bury him.
Bury Mutius with our brothers.
Traitors, get the fuck away! He won't be buried in this tomb.
Only Rome's soldiers and servants are buried here.
not anyone killed in street fights.
Bury him anywhere else. Just not here.
My lord, this is not fair.
He should be buried with his brothers.
And he will or we will die too!
"He will"?
What fucktard said that?
One who would fight for it anywhere else but here.
What, would you bury him here without my permission?
No, noble Titus,
but please make an exception for Mutius and let him be buried here.
Marcus, even you are against me...
and, with these boys,
You've hurt my feelings.
You are all my enemies,
so don't bother me anymore, get the fuck outta here.
He is acting crazy. Let's leave.
I won't leave, until Mutius is buried.
Father... that is the name you should respond to
dear father, soul and body of all of us.
Famous Titus, who can claim more than half my soul.
Get up, Marcus, get up.
This is the saddest day I've ever seen,
to be dishonored by my sons in Rome.
Fine, fucking bury him!
And bury me next.
So, Bassianus, you have won your prize.
May god make you happy, sir, with your lovely bride.
And the same to you, my lord.
I'll say no more. I'll go.
Traitor!
If there is law in Rome or if I have power,
you and your gang will answer for this rape.
Rape... seriously?
to claim what's mine, my true love, and now my wife?
But let the law of Rome decide the matter.
For now, I have what's mine.
Okay, sir. You are being a dick to me.
And as long as I'm alive, I'll be a dick to you too.
I will defend my actions
but I'm prepared to pay with my life, if I have to.
This noble gentleman here, Lord Titus
Has been wrongly accused of disloyalty.
While attempting to rescue Lavinia, with his own hand,
He killed his youngest son out of loyalty to you.
So give him your goodwill, Saturnine.
Prince Bassianus, let me speak for myself.
It's you and your friends who have dishonored me.
Rome and heaven above know...
my love and loyalty to Saturnine.
My worthy lord, if you ever saw me as compassionate...
in your princely eyes
then let me speak impartially
And do as I ask, my sweet, forgive what's in the past.
Oh, madam? I should be publicly insulted
and just put up with it?
Of course not, my lord.
The cause of Rome forbid that I would urge you to do anything dishonorable.
But I'm prepared to swear...
for good Lord Titus' innocence in everything,
whose obvious anger reflects his bitter feelings.
Then at my request, be cool to him.
Don't lose a noble friend, over misguided suspicions
My lord, listen to me.
Let me convince you.
Hide your outrage and anger.
You just took the throne.
So unless you want the people and patricians
to take Titus' side...
and then overthrow you for ingratitude to him.
Give in to my requests, and leave the rest to me.
I'll find a time to kill them all...
and obliterate their party and their family
the cruel father and his traitorous sons
to whom I begged for my dear son's life,
and will show them what they get for forcing a queen to kneel in the streets
and beg for mercy in vain.
Come, come, sweet emperor.
Come, Andronicus.
Tell this good old man to get up, and cheer up his heart...
which is dying in the storm of your mean mugging.
Get up, Titus, get up. My empress is right.
I thank you both.
Let it be my privilege
to have reunited you with your friends.
For you, Prince Bassianis,
I have promised the emperor...
that you will be more chill and obedient.
And don't worry, lords, or you, Lavinia.
Take my advice, kneel down,
and ask for his majesty's forgiveness.
We do, and promise heaven and his highness...
that we did the least we could do,
to protect the honor of our sister and ourselves.
Ditto.
Fuck off! Shut up. don't bother us anymore.
No, no, sweet emperor. We must all be friends.
The tribune and his nephews kneel for forgiveness.
This is a dealbreaker.
Sweetheart, look at them.
Marcus, for your sake and the sake of your brother,
and because of my lovely Tamora's pleading,
I forgive these young men's serious crimes.
Stand up.
Lavinia, although you left me like a bitch,
I found someone else.
Come.
If the emperor's court can celebrate two brides,
you'll be my guest, Lavinia, and your family.
Today will be a day of reconciliation, Tamora
Tomorrow, if you're into it,
You can come hunting for panther and deer with me.
I am into that, Titus, thank you so much.
Now Tamora has reached the summit of Olympus,
safe from misfortune and sits high,
safe from thunder and lightning,
beyond the reach of envious people.
Like the golden sun that greets the morning
making the ocean golden with its beams,
gallops across the sky in its glittering coach
and rises above the highest mountains.
That's Tamora.
Honorable men await her decisions,
and virtue concedes to her disapproval.
So, Aaron,
Strengthen you heart and mind
to climb up to your imperial mistress
join her at the top
You've kept her your prisoner for so long bound with chains of love.
No more slave's clothing and servant's thoughts
I will be bright shining in pearl and gold...
when I serve this newly made empress.
Did I say "serve"?
I'll fool around with this queen, this goddess,
this Semiramis, this nymph,
this siren that will charm Rome's Saturnine...
and will fuck up his kingdom.
Hello!
What the fuck is that?!
Chiron, you are young and stupid.
and you don't have enough manners...
to not intrude where I am welcome,
and for all you know, I am loved.
Demetrius, you are always so arrogant,
Like now, talking shit about me.
you're only older than me by a year or two...
that doesn't make you any better.
I am just as able to serve my mistress
and deserve her love.
I'll prove it with my sword
and show you how much I want Lavinia's love.
A brawl! A brawl! These lovers are going to fight.
Why, boy, ever since our mother, unwisely,
gave you a toy sword to wear,
are you so eager to threaten your friends?
Give it to me.
I'll glue your toy sword to its sheath...
until you know how to handle it.
Meanwhile, sir,
with what little skill I have,
You will see how ready I am to use it.
Oh yeah, boy
You are that brave now?
What the fuck, guys!
So close to the emperor's palace,
you fight out in the open?
I am well aware why you're fighting.
I would not accept a million pounds...
to let those concerned know about it,
Nor would your mother...
to avoid being dishonored in the court of Rome.
- For fuck's sake, sheath your swords. - I won't!
until I put my knife in his heart
and shove back down his throat...
all of his shit talking.
I'm ready, and well up to it.
Foul mouthed coward,
You are all bark...
and no bite!
Put them away, I say! Now, by the gods of the warlike Goths
this petty quarrel will get us all into trouble.
Why, lords, haven't you thought about how dangerous it is...
to seduce a prince's wife?
What, Is Lavinia such a slut...
or Bassianus such a piece of shit that for her love...
you feel like it's ok to fight for her without restraint,
justice, or punishment?
Young lords, check yourselves!
If the empress finds out about this fight, She will not be happy.
I don't care, if she and all the world knows.
I love Lavinia more than all the world!
Kid, aim lower.
Your older brother is into Lavinia.
What, are you nuts?
Or don't you know, how in Rome, they are angry and intolerant...
and won't tolerate rivals in love?
Seriously dudes,
you are going to get yourselves killed.
Aaron,
I would die a thousand deaths...
to get the one I love.
To get her! How?
Why are you making this weird?
She's a woman, so she can be seduced.
She's a woman.
So she can be won.
She is Lavinia,
so she must be loved.
Why, then, does it seem like any easy fuck...
would satisfy you.
Yeah, totally.
Aaron, has hit the nail on the head.
If you realized this sooner...
Then we wouldn't be bothered with all this fuss.
Are you two such idiots that you would fight over this?
Would you care if you both got what you wanted?
Fuck no.
Not me, if I got my piece.
Then for fuck's sake. why don't you work together
You'll need a plan to get her.
And I have a plan.
My lords,
There is a hunting trip planed.
The lovely Roman ladies will come along.
The forest paths are wide and spacious,
and there are many isolated spots...
perfect for for rape and other crimes.
So, isolate this dainty doe...
and take her by force, if words don't work.
This is your only hope.
Come On, Our empress, she is so fucking twisted,
will want to hear about our plan.
A smart man would think I'm an idiot...
for burying so much gold under the nettles of a tree,
and never use it.
And let he, who thinks I'm an idiot know...
that this gold is part of my plan
which, when it is executed,
will be fucking wicked.
And so rest, sweet gold, and cause unrest...
to those that get their handouts from the empress'.
My lovely Aaron,
why do you look so sad...
when everything is beautiful?
The birds are singing.
The snake is coiled...
under the cheerful sun.
The green leaves rustle in the cool breeze.
Let's sit in the shade, Aaron
And after we fuck, we will,
as we rest in each other's arms,
after we both got off,
have a glorious nap.
While the sounds of hounds and horns
and the songs of sweet birds
will be like a wet nurse's song,
A lullaby to put us to sleep.
While the goddess Venus makes you think of love,
Saturn makes me think of death.
The reason for my angry looks,
my silence and my gloomy sadness?
No, madam, these are not signs of sexual desire.
Revenge is on my mind,
I am ready to kill.
Blood and revenge are all I can think of.
Listen, Tamora, empress of my soul,
which never hopes for anything...
better than you.
Today Bassianus will die.
Lavinia must have her tongue cut out.
Your sons plan to rape her...
and wash their hands in Bassianus' blood.
See this letter?
Take it , please, and give the king this scroll which plots death.
Don't ask me anything else. We've been spotted.
Ah, my sweet Moor, sweeter to me than life itself!
No more, great empress. Bassianus is here.
Now, start some shit with him,
and I'll go get your sons to defend you,
whatever your argument is.
Who have we here?
Rome's royal empress,
without her guards?
Or is it the goddess Diana, dressed like Tamora,
who has left her holy woods...
to watch everyone hunting in this forest?
How dare you intrude on me like this!
If I had Diana's powers,
your forehead would instantly have horns,
like Actaeon.
And let the dogs tear you to pieces,
for disturbing my privacy!
If you'll excuse me, gentle empress.
We know you have a talent for horning (Cuckolding)
and I suspect your moor and you...
have snuck off to explore the concept.
May Jove protect your husband from his dogs today.
It would be a shame if they mistook him for a stag.
Why did you sneak away from your entourage,
dismount your snowy-white horse,
and wander here to this secret place,
only accompanied by a savage Moor,
if your dirty desires didn't bring you here?
And, since we caught you in the act,
that justifies Bassianus' shit talking.
Please, let's leave,
and let her enjoy her black lover.
This shithole valley is a perfect spot for that.
The king, my brother, will hear about this.
The good king is always being deceived!
Why do I have patience to listen to this?
What's the matter, dear queen and beloved mother!
Why do you look so pale and sickly?
Don't you think I have a good reason to look pale?
These two have lured me here
a shit hole, as you can see.
And when they showed me this revolting pit,
they told me that at night,
it is filled with a thousand demons and hissing snakes,
and 10,000 bloated toads
that would make such dreadful cries
that anyone who heard it...
would go crazy or suddenly die.
After all that fucked up shit,
Then they told me they would tie me to a tree...
and leave me to face this miserable death.
And then...
they called me an adulteress bitch,
Slutty Goth,
and all worst insults you've ever heard.
And if you hadn't come to rescue me,
they would have killed me.
Take revenge, out of love for your mother
or never again be called my children!
I'll prove that I am your son.
And take this too, to prove the strength of my love.
Yes, Come, Semiramis!
Not you, savage Tamora,
Tamora is another word for cunt!
Give me the dagger. I'll take revenge myself!
Stop, madam.
We have plans for her.
Don't kill a whore until after she's been fucked.
This bimbo was proud of her virginity,
her wedding vow, her loyalty,
and with that bullshit, she tried to shut you the fuck down.
Do you want her to die with that satisfaction?
Because if she does,
Just cut my dick off right now.
Drag her husband to some secret hole...
and we'll rape her on his dead body.
But once you've gotten that sweet honey,
don't let that bee live to sting us.
I promise you, madam, we will make certain of that.
Come, mistress.
Now by force we will enjoy...
that faithfully preserved virginity of yours.
Oh Tamora, you have a woman's face-
I'm not listening to her. take her away.
Sweet lords, just let me say one thing to her.
Oh, come on, madam
Take pride in causing her tears,
they will fall on your heart...
like rain falling on a stone.
When did the tiger cubs teach their mother?
Don't teach her hatred.
As she taught to you.
The milk you sucked from her has curdled.
But not every mother breeds sons to be like her.
Beg her to show me a woman's pity.
What, and make myself a bastard?
Oh, be to me, although your hard heart says no,
if not as kind, then at least a bit merciful!
That doesn't mean shit to me. Take her away.
Let me explain myself!
For my father's sake. He let you live...
when he could have killed you!
Even if you, personally, had never offended me,
It's specifically for his sake that I am merciless.
Remember, boys, How I cried floods of tears in vain...
to save your brother from being sacrificed,
but savage Andronicus would not relent.
So take her away. And do what you want to her.
The worse you treat her, the more I'll love you.
Tamora, be a merciful queen,
and just kill me here, yourself!
And throw me into some horrid pit...
where no one will ever see my body.
Do it, and be a kind murderer.
If I did that, I would deny my sweet sons of their reward.
No.
I'm going to let them rape you.
Let's go! You've kept us here too long.
No pity? No womanhood?
Fucking bitch!
Go fuck yourself!
No! You're getting gagged!
Goodbye, my sons. Be sure to kill her when you're done.
I will not be happy...
until all Andronicus' family is dead.
Now I will go find my lovely Moor...
and let my horny sons rob this bitch of her virginity.
Come on, my lords, let's hurry.
I'll bring you to the horrible pit...
where I saw the panther fast asleep.
My eyesight is blurry, whatever that means.
Mine too, seriously.
If it wouldn't embarrass me,
I would stop hunting for a bit to take a nap.
What, did you fall?
What crafty hole is this...
its opening is covered with wild brambles,
Its leaves covered with drops of fresh blood?
Say something brother. Did you hurt yourself when you fell?
Oh brother, I've seen some shit...
more fucked up than I've ever seen before.
Why don't you come over here...
and help me out of this devilish bloodstained hole?
My instincts suspect there is more here than meets the eye.
To prove your suspicions are correct,
Aaron and you, should look down into this pit...
and see a fucked up sight of blood and death.
Aaron has gone!
Lord Bassianus lies covered in blood,
like a slaughtered lamb.
Oh brother, help me!
I'm not strong enough to pull you out!
Come with me.
I'll see what is up with this pit,
and who fell into it.
Talk!
Who are you, that just fell...
into this pit?
The unlucky sons of old Andronicus...
brought here at a very unfortunate time...
to find your brother Bassianus' dead body!
My brother is dead?
I know you are fucking with me.
He and his wife are both at the lodge
I saw them less than an hour ago.
Where is my lord, the king?
I am Here, Tamora.
I am saddened with the grief of death.
Where is your brother Bassianus?
Now you've probed the subject of my suffering.
Poor Bassianus is lying here, murdered.
Then I've brought this ominous letter too late.
"And if we conveniently don't run into him-
We're talking about Bassianus-
just dig a grave for him.
You get it.
You will find your reward...
under the nettles by the elderberry tree
which hangs over the opening of that same pit
where we decided to bury Bassianus.
If you do this, we'll be best friends forever."
Oh, Tamora! are you hearing this shit?
This is the pit and this the elderberry tree.
Look, sirs, find the huntsman...
that planned to murder Bassianus here.
My gracious lord,
here is the bag of gold.
Two of your sons...
Savage dogs, the murderous kind,
have killed my brother here!
Sirs, drag them out of the pit and take them to the prison.
Leave them there until I've come up with...
some new form of torture for them.
Mighty emperor,
on my weak knees, I beg you...
This fucked up crime by my cursed sons-
cursed, if they are proven guilty-
IF they are guilty?
You can see it's obvious that they are!
Who found this letter? Tamora, was it you?
Andronicus picked it up.
I did, my lord.
But let me post their bail, and on my father's grave, I swear...
they will be ready when you want them to be...
to pay with their lives, if they are guilty.
You won't bail them out!
Follow me.
Someone bring the dead body, someone bring the murderers.
Don't let them speak! Their guilt is obvious!
By God,
If there was a worse fate than death,
that is how I would punish them.
Andronicus, I will plead your case to the king.
Don't worry about your sons They will be fine.
Come, Lucius, come. Don't hang around and talk to them.
So, now try to tell what happened
and say who cut out your tongue and raped you.
Write it down,
explain it that way,
if your stumps can write.
See, she communicates by gesturing
Go home! Ask for Rosewater.
Rosewater! come, Rosewater!
To wash your hands!
She has no tongue to speak, or hands to wash!
And so let's leave her to walk in silence.
If I was her, I would hang myself!
If you had hands to tie the knot.
Who is this?
My niece?
If I'm dreaming,
I'd give up all my wealth to wake up.
If I am awake,
let some supernatural force kill me So I can rest in eternal sleep.
Tell me,
sweet niece.
What sadistic motherfucker...
has chopped and stripped your body of its hands?
Those...
sweet ornaments...
which kings have wanted to sleep in.
Why aren't you talking to me?
Come.
Let's go...
and make sure your father doesn't see you,
because seeing you would blind him.
An hour of rain can flood a meadow.
What will a month of tears do to your father's eyes?
Don't resist,
we'll mourn with you.
Oh, if only our mourning could ease your misery.
Listen to me, respected men.
Noble tribunes, wait!
Pity me for my lost youth, spent fighting dangerous wars...
while you slept safely,
for all my sons that died for Rome,
for all the cold nights I stood guard,
and for the bitter tears you see...
running down my wrinkled cheeks!
Have mercy on my sons
Who are more innocent than you think.
I never cried for my 22 sons that died...
because they died with honor!
But for these sons, tribunes, I write in the ground with...
The great sorrows of my heart and the tears of my soul!
Let my tears quench the earth's thirst!
My sons' sweet blood will make it blush with shame!
Oh earth,
I will give you more rain
from my old eyes
than you will ever get from April's Showers.
In summer's drought I'll continue to cry on you.
In winter, with warm tears,
I'll melt the snow and make it spring forever,
as long as you refuse to drink my dear sons' blood.
Oh, powerful tribunes!
Oh, merciful old men!
Release my sons!
take back their death sentence!
And let me, A man who has never cried before,
know that my tears have moved you!
Your begging doesn't mean shit.
The tribunes aren't listening.
You are talking to a stone!
Lucius!
Let me beg for your brothers!
Great tribunes, once again, I beg you.
Dude, the tribunes don't give a fuck.
It doesn't matter
If they heard me, they didn't pay attention.
Even if they paid attention, they wouldn't have mercy.
So I will tell my sob story to the stones.
Stones are soft as wax, compared to tribunes, who are harder than stone.
Stones are silent and do no harm,
While tribunes use their tongues...
to condemn men to death.
But why are you standing there with your sword drawn?
To rescue my two brothers from their death.
And for this,
the judges have announced that I will be exiled for life.
Congrats! They've done you a favor.
Why, foolish Lucius, can't you see...
that Rome is a jungle full of tigers?
Tigers must prey,
and Rome has no other prey but me and my family.
How lucky you are, then,
to be sent away from these beasts!
But who is coming here with our brother Marcus?
Titus, this fucked up shit is going to make you cry,
or at least break your heart.
You won't be able to handle this shit.
I can't handle it?
Show me then.
This... was your daughter.
Yes, Marcus, she is my daughter.
Oh, this is so fucked up.
Hey, pussy,
get up and look at her!
Speak, Lavinia.
Who are the motherfuckers that cut off your hands...
for me to see you like this?
What dipshit has added insult to injury...
or brought fuel to the fire?
I didn't think shit could get worse, then you came
and now, like the Nile, it overflows
If you'll give me a sword, I'll chop off my hands too,
they have fought for Rome, without reward.
In unanswered prayers I have held them up,
and they've been useless!
Now all I ask them to do...
is for one to cut off the other.
Tell us, sweet sister. Who mutilated you?
Oh, her tongue...
has been torn from her mouth.
Then you speak for her. Who did this?
I found her like this, wandering in the hunting ground,
trying to hide herself, like a deer...
with a mortal wound.
She was my dear,
and whoever wounded her has hurt me worse than if he'd killed me.
I'm like a man standing on a rock,
Surrounded by the sea.
My pathetic sons have been sentenced to death.
Here is my other son, who's been exiled.
and my brother, crying over all this fucked up shit.
But what is most fucked up ...
is dear Lavinia,
more precious than my life.
Sweet Lavinia,
let me kiss your lips
or give me some sign to tell me how I can help.
Should your uncle and your brother Lucius
and you and I
sit around a puddle
looking down to see the reflection of our cheeks...
streaked in tears, like a meadow after a flood?
Or should we cut off our hands, like yours?
Or should we bite off our tongues
and play charades for the rest...
of our awful lives?
What should we do?
Let those of us who still have tongues...
Plot a plan so deadly...
that future generations, will be in awe of how fucked up it is.
Titus Andronicus,
my lord, the emperor, sends you a message-
if you love your sons,
let Marcus, Lucius, or yourself, old Titus,
or any of you chop off your hand...
and send it to the king.
In return, he will spare the lives of your sons,
that will be payment for their crimes.
Oh gracious emperor! Oh gentle Aaron!
Has a raven ever sang so much like a lark?
I'll gladly send the emperor my hand.
Good Aaron, will you help me chop it off?
Wait, Father!
Your hand, which has defeated so many enemies...
Will not be sent.
Send my hand in its place. I'm young, I can spare the loss of blood.
Both of you have hands that defended Rome...
wielding a bloody battle-ax
My hands haven't done shit. let my hand be the payment to save my two nephews from death.
Awe, come on, decide whose hand will be sent
or they'll die before their pardon comes.
- My hand will go! - For fucks sake, not your hand!
Now let me show a brother's love to you.
Ok, you two figure it out. I will spare my hand.
Then I'll go get an axe.
But I will be the one to use the axe.
Come quickly, Aaron. I've misled them both.
Lend me a hand, and I will give you mine.
If that's what it means to mislead, Then I'll always be honest.
Oh, now stop your arguing!
What's done is done.
Good Aaron, give his majesty my hand.
Tell him it was a hand that protected him from a thousand dangers.
Ask him to give it a burial!
As for my sons, say I value them...
like jewels, purchased for a bargain.
I'm going, Andronicus.
And in exchange for your hand, you can expect that soon, your sons will be with you.
Their heads, I mean.
Oh, how this fucked up shit delights me to think about it!
Let fools do good deeds and crackers beg for mercy.
Aaron prefers to have a black soul...
like his face.
Oh, now I raise this one hand up to pray to heaven...
and bow my mutilated body to the ground.
If there is a god that pities the tears of the miserable,
that's the god I'm praying to.
What, will you pray with me?
Then do it, sweetheart.
because heaven will hear our prayers,
or with our wailing, we'll dim the sky...
and cover the sun in a fog, like clouds do...
when they cover the sun.
Oh brother, be realistic,
No one wants to hear "Deep thoughts by Titus".
Aren't my sorrows deep, since they're bottomless?
Then my emotions are bottomless too.
But still, be rational in your misery.
If there was anything rational about our misery,
then within rational limits I could confine my grief!
When heaven weeps,
doesn't the earth flood?
If the winds roar,
doesn't the sea rage?
threatening the sky with it's waves?
And would you like to know the reason for this storm?
I am the sea.
See how Lavinia's sighs blow.
She is the weeping sky, and I am the earth.
So my sea must be moved with her sighs.
And my earth must be flooded with her constant tears
like an avalanche, overflows and consumes.
I can't stomach her sorrows,
so, like a drunk, I have to barf them up.
So, let me.
Because we let losers feel better about themselves...
by talking shit.
Good Andronicus,
You've been poorly repaid for your good hand...
you sent to the emperor.
Here are the heads of your two noble sons,
and here's your hand, sent back to to say, "fuck you".
And let my heart be an eternally burning hell.
This is too fucked up to endure.
This is fucking killing me,
but somehow, hasn't actually killed me!
Oh, poor sweetheart,
your kiss gives no more comfort than frozen water to a frostbitten snake.
When will I wake up from this nightmare?
Die, Andronicus!
You are not asleep.
Look at your two sons' heads,
your warrior's hand,
your fucked up daughter there,
Your other exiled son, seeing this shit...
Has turned pale,
and your brother, me, like a statue, is cold and numb.
I am not going to try to make you chill out anymore.
Tear out your silver hair!
Bite your remaining hand with your teeth!
And let this fucked up sight,
kill us now.
Now is the time to rage! Why are you not saying anything?
Why are you laughing?
Why? I have no more tears to shed.
Besides, sorrow is an enemy
that wants to overthrow my watery eyes
and make them blind with tears for the enemy's benefit.
Then how would I find revenge's home?
These two heads seem to speak to me
and threaten that I'll never be happy again
until these evil deeds are thrown back...
in the faces of those who committed them.
Come, let me see what has to be done.
You sad people, gather around me...
so I can face each of you...
and swear by my soul I will revenge your wrongs.
I have made a promise.
Come, brother, take a head.
In the hand I still have, I will carry the other.
And you, Lavinia, You will have a job.
Carry my hand, sweet girl, in your mouth.
As for you, boy, get the fuck outta here.
You have been exiled. You can't stay here.
Go to the Goths and organize an army there.
And if you love me, as I think you do,
let's kiss and part ways,
because we have some shit to get done.
Goodbye, Andronicus, my noble father.
The saddest man that ever lived in Rome.
I will go to the Goths
and organize an army to take revenge on Rome
and Saturnine.
There, there, sit down,
and make sure you eat just enough to keep alive long enough...
to take revenge for this fucked up shit.
You, the model of misery, that communicates in sign language,
when your poor heart beats fast,
You can't strike your chest to make it quiet.
Try sighing, girl. Kill it with groans.
Or take a little knife in your teeth
and, just over your heart, cut a hole,
so all the tears from your eyes...
will run into that wound
and soak in, drowning your grieving heart in salty tears.
Stop, brother, stop!
Don't encourage her to lay hands on herself.
The fuck?! Has your grief made you senile?
Don't say shit about hands,
it only reminds us, we don't fucking have any.
Come, let's eat.
And, sweet girl, eat this.
There is no drink.
Listen, Marcus, to what she says.
I can interpret all her tortured gestures.
She says she will only drink her tears.
Speechless victim, I will figure out what you mean.
When you sigh or hold your stumps up to the sky...
blink , nod, kneel, or make a sign,
I will translate these actions
and by careful study I'll learn what you mean.
What are you stabbing at, Lucius, with your knife?
At the thing I killed, a fly.
Get out, murderer! You've stabbed at my heart!
Killing the innocent is fucked up!
Get the fuck outta here.
But, my lord, it was only a fly.
Only!?
How is it "only", if that fly had a father and mother?
He would fly on his slender golden wings...
and buzz sad stories into the air.
Poor, harmless fly,
with his pretty, buzzing song, came to cheer us up.
And you killed him.
Excuse me, sir.
It was a black, ugly fly,
that looked like the empress' Moor.
So I killed him.
oh, shit!
Excuse me for berating you,
because you've done a good deed.
Give me your knife. I will trounce him,
imagining it was the Moor...
coming here to intentionally poison me.
That's for me, and that's for Tamora!
Ah, motherfucker!
At least we haven't been so weakened...
that between us, we can't still kill a fly...
that looks like a ruthless Moor.
Help, grandfather! Help!
My Aunt Lavinia follows me everywhere.
I don't know why.
Uncle Marcus, see how quickly she comes after me.
Alas, sweet aunt, I don't know what you mean.
Stand by me, Lucius. Don't be afraid of your aunt.
What are you doing, Lavinia, what does this mean?
wait! See how she turns the pages so quickly.
Help her.
What is she looking for?
Lavinia, should I read?
"This is the tragic story of Philomel...
who was raped by Tereus."
Look, Brother, look.
Look at how she points at particular passages.
Lavinia, were you attacked like this, sweet girl,
violated like Philomela was...
raped in the harsh, desolate, and gloomy woods?
Yes, that's like where we go hunting.
Oh, why would nature create such a foul place
unless the gods take pleasure in our suffering?
Give signs, sweet girl,
what Roman lord is responsible?
My lord, look at this. Look at this, Lavinia!
This sandy spot is flat.
Use this stick. I will mansplain how...
I have written my name without using my hands at all.
Write, good niece, and reveal, finally...
What god wants to be revealed, to be avenged.
Damn the person that forced us to these measures.
it's Chiron and Demetrius.
My lord, kneel down with me.
Kneel, Lavinia, and kneel, sweet boy,
and swear with me that we will pursue,
with careful planning, take fatal revenge...
on these traitorous Goths
and kill them, or die in disgrace.
Certainly we will, if we can find a way.
But if you hunt these bear cubs,
then beware.
You're not much of a huntsman, Marcus. Forget about it.
Come to my armory, Lucius. I'll arm you.
And with that, go to the empress' sons
Carrying presents from me.
Come on, you'll take the message for me, won't you?
Yes, by stabbing them in their hearts, grandfather.
No, don't do that. I'll show you another way.
Lavinia, come.
Marcus, look after my house.
Oh heaven, can you hear a good man groan...
and not stop his suffering or take pity on him?
Marcus, look after him, he is getting kooky
he has more scars on his heart,
than enemy's marks on his battered shield,
And still, he is so ethical, that he won't take revenge.
May the heavens take vengeance, for old Andronicus!
Demetrius! It's the son of Lucius!
He has a message for us.
Yeah, some fucked up message from his fucked up grandfather.
With all the humility I have,
I bring greetings from Andronicus.
Thank you, lovely Lucius. What's your news?
My grandfather, after thinking about it, has sent with me...
the most excellent weapons of his armory
to honor your noble youths
They are the hope of Rome, that's what he told me to say,
so I just said it.
And with that, I'll leave you.
Armed like murderous villains.
Oh, it's a verse by Horace.
I know it well.
Yeah, that's accurate. A verse by Horace.
That's right, you've got it.
What an asshole.
This is not a funny joke.
The old man knows they're guilty...
and sends them weapons wrapped with words...
but they don't get it.
But if our clever empress was up and about,
she would applaud Andronicus' joke
but...
let her remain in her labor of birth.
Come, let's go,
and pray to all the gods for your beloved mother in her labor pains.
Pray to the devils.
The gods have given up on us.
Why are the emperor's trumpets sounding?
Oh, probably because everyone is super excited the emperor has a son.
Wait! Who's that?
Good morning, lords. Oh, tell me,
Have you seen Aaron the Moor?
Well, I should think we have!
I am Aaron, what do you want with me?
Oh gentle Aaron,
We are fucked!
Now, help, or everything is going to suck from now on.
Why are you making such a Ruckus?
What do you have clumsily bundled in your arms?
Oh, something I want to hide from the sight of heaven
The shame of our empress, and great Rome's disgrace.
She has delivered, lords, she has delivered.
To whom?
I mean she is brought a-bed (given birth)
Well, may God give her a good rest!
- What has he sent her? - A devil.
So she is the devil's mother,
A welcome Child!
A joyless, sad, and black child.
Here is the baby, as disgusting as a toad...
compared to all the white people.
The empress gives it to you,
it's obviously yours,
and orders you to kill it with your dagger.
Fuck no, you whore!
Is black such a bad color?
Sweet chubby-face, you are a beautiful blossom, you are.
Asshole,
what have you done?
Something you can't undo.
You've ruined our mother.
You asshole, I fucked your mother.
And by doing so, hellish dog, you've ruined her!
Curses on the offspring of such a foul devil.
It will not live.
It will not be killed!
Aaron, it has to be. That's what it's mother wants.
What?
It has to die, nurse?
Then let no one but me kill my own flesh and blood.
I'll impale the baby with my sword.
Nurse, give it to me! My sword will end its life!
This sword will gut you first!
Stop, you fucking assholes!
Will you kill your brother?
Now, by the light of the stars...
that shone so brightly when this boy was conceived,
I'll kill anyone...
that touches this child, my first-born son and heir.
What?
What, you crackers, chicken-shit boys?
You honkies.
You crudely painted alehouse signs.
Coal-black is better than any other color...
Because it can never change to another color.
All the water in the ocean...
can never turn a swan's black legs to white
No matter how long they are washed in the tide.
Tell the empress...
that I am old enough to look after this child myself.
She can justify it however she wants.
You're going to betray your mistress like that?
My mistress is my mistress.
This child...
is a part of me-
the strength and image of my youth.
This, more than all the world, I choose.
This, despite the world's opposition, I will keep safe-
Or some of you will suffer for it in Rome.
Our mother will be forever shamed by this.
The emperor will be pissed, and sentence her to death.
I blush to think of the shame.
Oh, only because you're white
a treacherous color, that exposes by blushing...
the hidden thoughts and desires of your heart.
Here's a young lad made of another complexion.
Look!
Look how the black rascal smiles at his father,
as if to say,
"Old boy, I am yours."
Aaron,
what should I tell the empress?
Tell us, Aaron, what should we do,
and we will follow your advice.
Save your child, as long as you can keep us safe.
Then let's sit down,
and decide what to do.
Ah! My son and I will stay over here.
Stay over there!
Now, feel free to make a plan.
How many women saw his child?
Ah, see, brave lords.
When we are working together, I'm like a lamb.
But if you cross me,
the enraged boar, the mountain lioness,
the ocean waves are not as powerful as my rage.
So tell me, who all saw the child?
Cornelia the midwife and myself...
and no one else but the empress that gave birth.
The empress,
the midwife...
and yourself.
Two can keep a secret, when the third has been rid of.
Go to the empress
tell her I said this!
She cries like a pig, ready to be roasted.
What the fuck, Aaron? why did you do that?
Oh, lord, sir,
It was the strategic thing to do.
What? Should I have let her live,
a blabbermouth gossip?
No, lords. No.
Listen, lords.
You see I have given her the cure. You have to arrange for her funeral.
The fields are close. You are noble dudes.
When you've done that, don't waste any time,
send the midwife to see me at once.
Once the midwife and nurse are killed,
then let the gossips say what they want.
Aaron, I see you are all about tying up loose ends.
For looking out for Tamora,
She and her family are very grateful to you.
Now I will go to the Goths, as quick as a swallow flies,
to hide this treasure I hold in my arms
and to secretly meet the empress' friends.
Come on, you thick-lipped slave.
I'll carry you there,
It is because of you we had to hatch this scheme.
You'll eat berries and roots
and live in a cave
and I'll raise you to be a warrior
and command an army.
Come, Marcus, come.
Brothers, this is the way.
Hey big guy, show me your archery.
Be sure to draw back far enough, and you'll shoot straight.
The Goddess of justice has left Earth.
Remember that, Marcus,
justice is gone, she ran away.
Sirs, use your weapons.
You, cousins, will go to the ocean and cast your nets.
Hopefully you can catch her in the sea.
But there's as little justice there as on land.
No. Publius and Sempronius, I have another job for you.
you must dig with a shovel and spade...
until you get to the center of the earth.
Then, when you get to Pluto's underworld,
Please, give him this petition.
Tell him it is asking for justice and help,
and that it comes from old Andronicus,
who suffers in ungrateful Rome.
I made you miserable when I cast the people's votes to the one that now tortures me.
Off you go, and please be careful, everyone
and don't leave any war ship unsearched.
This wicked emperor might have shipped her away...
Brothers, if that's the case, Then we can whistle in the wind for justice.
Oh, Publius,
Isn't it disturbing, to see your noble uncle so deranged?
That's why, my lord,
it's super important, 24/7,
to look after him closely
and humor him as best we can
until time heals him.
Brothers, he's too far gone.
Publius, what's up?
What's up, guys?
You're a good archer, Marcus. Time for business.
To Jove. That's for you.
Here. to Apollo.
Here, boy, to Pallas.
Here, to Mercury.
To Saturn, Caius, not to Saturnine.
You might as well shoot into the wind. (than to call on that dipshit)
Let's go to it, boy.
Marcus, shoot on my order.
I swear, I've asked every god for justice.
There's not a god I haven't called on.
My lord, I aimed a mile past the moon.
Your letter will reach Jupiter this way.
Marcus, we are just shrubs,
we are not Cedar trees,
not giants like the Cyclops.
But we're strong, Marcus, steel through and through
But we're loaded down with more wrongs than our backs can carry.
And since there's no justice on earth or in hell,
we will call on heaven
and ask the gods to send down justice...
to avenge our wrongs.
Come, masters, draw.
Brothers,
shoot all your arrows into the court.
We will strike the emperor in his own home.
Good boy, right into Virgo! Shoot the Pallas arrow.
It's from Titus! It's from Titus!
My lords, How fucked up is this?
Has there even been a Roman emperor so oppressed,
so troubled and disobeyed like this,
simply for enforcing the law
treated with such contempt?
My lords, you know, and so do the mighty gods,
These rabble rousers whisper...
in the people's ears,
that nothing happened, that wasn't totally legal,
against the disobedient sons of old Andronicus!
And what if his grief has made him crazy?
Should we put up with his vindictive acts, his moods,
his madness and bitterness?
And now he calls on heaven for his revenge.
See what this says? Here's to Jove, this to Apollo,
this to Mercury, this to the god of war-
These papers are scattered throughout the streets of Rome!
Aren't these libels against the senate
accusing us of injustice everywhere?
A nice trick, isn't it, my lords?
Because who would claim there is no justice in Rome?
Lord of my life, commander of my thoughts-
But as long as I'm alive,
his pretend fits of madness will not excuse him...
from the shit he pulled.
And he and his family will know...
that justice still lives as long as Saturninus does,
If the god of justice is asleep, I'll wake her up...
as she, in a fury, will cut down...
the proudest conspirator who ever lived.
Chill out,
and tolerate the faults of Titus' old age,
His behavior is a result of grief for his sons,
whose deaths really fucked him up
and stabbed at his heart.
Oh Titus, I have you right where I want you.
Arm yourselves, my lords.
Rome has never needed to more.
The Goths have raised an army.
And with an armed force, ready to plunder
they march here quickly under the command of Lucius,
son of old Andronicus.
Is the fierce warrior Lucius leading the Goths?
Yes, our shit is about to get fucked.
He's the one the commoners love so much.
I've often heard them say-
when I walked around pretending to be a commoner-
that Lucius' banishment was bullshit,
and that they wish...
that Lucius was their emperor.
What do you have to fear?
Doesn't your city have strong defenses?
Yes, but the citizens favor Lucius...
and will rebel against me to help him.
King, your thoughts should be as imperial as your name.
Is the sunlight dimmed, because gnats fly into it?
So cheer up.
And know, emperor,
I will entice old Andronicus
with words that are sweeter but more dangerous
than bait to fish or clover to a sheep.
But he will not make his son stop the attack.
If I ask him to, he will.
You, go ahead of me. Be our ambassador.
Say that the emperor requests a meeting with the warrior Lucius...
and arrange the meeting at his father's house, old Andronicus.
Aemelius, carry this message faithfully.
And if he insists on a guaranty of his safety, ask him...
what we can do to show good faith.
I'm on it.
Now I'll go to old Andronicus
and work on him with all the tricks I know.
Then go immediately
and persuade Andronicus.
Proven warriors,
and my faithful friends,
I have received letters from great Rome...
which express how much they hate their emperor
and how eagerly they look forward to our arrival.
So, great lords,
live up to your great titles-
Be ready to fuck some shit up.
How ever Rome has harmed you,
Pay them back three fold.
Brave heir, son of the great Andronicus-
whose name once terrorized us, and now aids us-
despite his honorable service...
was fucked over by Rome.
You can count on us.
We'll go where you lead us
and take revenge on cursed Tamora.
Yeah, what he said!
Oh great Goths,
this is the motherfucker...
that cut off Andronicus' good hand.
This is the dude your empress was so infatuated with.
And this child is the result of his burning lust.
Tell us, glaring eyed slave,
where are you taking this living copy of your devilish face?
Why aren't you talking?
What?
Are you deaf?
Nothing to say?
Get a rope, soldiers!
Hang him on this tree.
And next to him,
his bastard child!
Don't touch the boy!
He has royal blood.
He's too much like his father to ever be good.
First hang the child,
so he can watch it die-
a sight that would fuck up any father.
Get me a ladder!
Lucius... spare the child.
If you do, I'll tell you some amazing shit...
that will be to your great advantage.
If you won't, and this shit goes down.
I won't say anything else but may you all rot in Hell!
Say what you have to say,
and if I'm satisfied, your child will live,
and I will treat it well.
IF you are satisfied?!
I can assure you, Lucius, You are going to be super pissed...
when you hear what I have to say,
because I'll reveal murders, rapes, and massacres,
devilish acts, horrible deeds,
mischievous plots, treason, villainy.
And I will take all this to my grave...
unless you swear to me that my child will live.
Tell me what you know. I promise, your child will live.
- Swear he will live. Then I will talk. - Who should I swear by?
You don't believe in any god.
So what if I don't?
It's true, I don't.
But, because I know you're religious
and have a thing called "a conscience"
So you should swear to that god,
whatever god you worship, that you will spare my boy
and take care of him and raise him.
Or else I won't tell you shit.
By my god, I swear to you I will.
The first thing you should know,
is that his mother is the empress.
Oh, that insatiable loose woman.
Oh, Lucius, that was a charitable deed...
compared to all the other shit I'm going to tell you.
It was her two sons that murdered Bassianus.
They were the ones that...
cut out your sister's tongue and raped her,
and cut off her hands and trimmed her as you've seen.
You fucking asshole! You call that trimming?
Well, she was washed...
and cut... and trimmed,
and they had a good time doing it.
Oh, those barbarous, motherfuckers
just like you!
That's right, I was the one that told them to do it.
Their mischievous spirit they got from their mother.
Their ruthlessness, I think, they learned from me.
Let my actions prove what I'm capable of
I lured your brothers to that treacherous pit...
where the dead body of Bassianus lay.
I wrote the letter that your father found
and hid the bag of gold under the tree.
I played the trick to win your father's hand,
and when I had it, I stepped out of sight...
and nearly burst out laughing.
And when I told the empress about these shenanigans,
she almost fainted in pleasure when she heard the story
and for my good news, she gave me 20 kisses.
What?
How can you talk all this shit without blushing?
Yes, like a black dog, as the saying goes.
Aren't you sorry for all the fucked up shit you did?
Yes.
Sorry that I didn't do a thousand more.
Even now, I regret any day-
but, I think, there are very few to regret-
when I didn't do some fucked up shit like killing a man
or plot a man's death
or rape a virgin or plan to rape a virgin
blame an innocent man and perjure myself
make poor men's cattle break their necks
set fire to barns and haystacks in the night
and tell the owners to put out the flames with their tears.
So many times, I dug up dead men from their graves...
and propped them up at their dear families' doors,
just when they had almost gotten over their loss.
And on their skins, like on the barks of trees,
With my knife, I carved in Roman script,
"Don't let your sorrow die, even though I am dead!"
Pshhh.
I have done a thousand fucked up things
as easily as killing a fly.
And nothing makes me sadder...
than knowing I won't be able to do 10,000 more.
Bring down this piece of shit
because he does not deserve such an easy death
as a quick hanging.
If devils were real, I wish I was one...
to live and burn in eternal flames...
So I could see you in hell...
just to torture you with my bitter words!
Sirs, shut him up!
Don't let him say anything else!
My lord, a messenger from Rome is here.
Welcome, Aemelius.
What's happening in Rome?
Lord Lucius, and princes of the Goths,
the Roman emperor sends his greetings,
and since he understands you are here with an army,
he asks to meet with you at your father's house.
and wants you to choose your hostages
and they will be given to you at once.
What does our General say?
Aemelius, let the emperor give his hostages to my father
and to my uncle Marcus, and we will come.
Who is bothering me during my me-time?
Is it a ploy to get me to open the door...
so my grim declarations will fly away...
and all my work will come to nothing?
You are mistaken, Because my plans,
I have written in blood.
And what is written will be done.
Titus,
I have come to talk with you.
No. I won't hear it.
If you knew who I was You would talk to me.
I am not crazy. I know you perfectly well
You are our proud empress, mighty Tamora.
Are you coming for my other hand?
You should know, you sad man, I am not Tamora.
She is your enemy and I am your friend.
I am Revenge, sent from hell,
And accompanying me, Rape and Murder
To relieve the anguish that is eating away at you...
by taking some fucked up vengeance on your enemies.
Come down and welcome me to your world.
Talk to me about murder and death.
Are you Revenge, and you have been sent to me
to torture my enemies?
I am. So come down
and welcome me and my assistants.
Holy shit!
They look so much like the empress' sons
and you look like the empress!
But us mortal men have worthless, delirious, easily deceived eyes.
Oh, sweet Revenge, I'm coming to you now.
And if a bro-hug will satisfy you,
I will hug you soon!
This "yes-anding" is really working with his craziness.
Whatever I make up to fuel his madness,
Play along, in whatever you say.
Because now, he truly believes I am Revenge.
And... being convinced by this crazy idea...
I'll make him call on for his son Lucius.
And I must continue this act.
I have been alone for so long, waiting for you.
Welcome, terrible Goddess, to my sad house.
Rape and Murder, you are welcome too.
You look so much like the empress and her sons.
If you only had a black dude with you.
Couldn't you find such a devil in all of Hell?
What do you want us to do, Andronicus?
Show me a murderer, and I'll deal with him.
Show me a rapist motherfucker,
I'm here to take revenge on him.
Look around the wicked streets of Rome.
When you find a man that resembles yourself,
good Murder, stab him.
He's a murderer.
Go with him, and by chance, you find someone resembling you,
good Rape, stab him!
He's a rapist.
Go with them, and in the emperor's court,
there is a queen served by a Moor.
You'll know who she is
because she looks exactly like you.
Please, make them suffer some violent death.
They have been violent to me and my family.
You have given us clear instructions.
We will do it.
But... if you're into this idea, good Andronicus,
to call for Lucius, your super brave son,
and invite him to come to dinner at your house
I will bring the empress and her sons,
the emperor himself, and all your enemies.
realizing that they are fucked
they will bow and kneel,
and you will take out your anger on them.
What do you think of this plan?
Marcus, my brother?
It's sad Titus calling for you.
Go, gentle Marcus, to your nephew Lucius.
You will seek him out among the Goths.
Ask him to come to me and bring...
some of the greatest Goth Princes.
Tell him the emperor and empress will be dining at my house,
and he will dine with them.
Do this out of love for me,
and he should too. Out of respect for his elderly father.
I will do it. and be back soon.
Now I'll get this shit done...
and take my assistants with me.
No, no-
Let Rape and Murder stay with me,
or else I'll call my brother back again...
and only count on Lucius to take revenge for me.
What do you say, boys? Will you hang here with him...
while I go tell my lord the emperor...
how I've arranged the trick we planned?
Madam, go whenever you want.
Leave us here.
Goodbye, Andronicus.
Revenge is now going to carry out the conspiracy...
to bring down your enemies.
I know you will,
and, sweet Revenge, goodbye.
Tell us, old man, what should we do?
Oh, I have work for you.
Come here, Publius, Caius, Valentin!
What do you want?
Do you know these two?
They're the empress' sons, Chiron and Demetrius.
No, Publius, no! You are mistaken.
One is Murder. The other is Rape.
So tie them up, gentle Publius.
Caius and Valentin, restrain them.
Assholes, stop!
We are thy empress' sons!
And so we'll do what we're told.
Come. Come, Lavinia.
Look.
Your enemies are tied up.
Now let them hear the fucked up shit I'm going to say.
Oh, motherfuckers, Chiron and Demetrius.
Here is Lavinia, who you defiled
like a pool you've pissed in.
You killed her husband, and because of that evil shit...
two of her brothers were sentenced to death,
my hand was cut off to make jokes about.
Both her sweet hands, her tongue,
and something more important than her hands or tongue-
her virginity-
you motherfuckers, violated and stole it from her.
What would you say if I let you speak?
You assholes wouldn't have the nerve to beg for mercy.
Listen, fuckheads, This is how I'll kill you.
I have this one hand left to cut your throats,
while Lavinia, between her stumps, will hold...
the bowl that will collect your guilty blood.
You know your mother intends to dine with me...
and calls herself Revenge and thinks I'm crazy.
Listen, assholes.
I will grind your bones to dust,
and with that and your blood I'll make a dough.
And with that dough I'll make a piecrust...
and make two pies out of your repulsive heads,
and I'll tell that whore, your unholy mother...
as the earth consumes the dead, to eat her own children.
This is the dinner I invited her to
and this the meal she'll be stuffed with
Now prepare your throats.
Lavinia, come.
Collect the blood.
Come. Come, everyone get busy to arrange this banquet
which I hope will turn out...
more merciless and bloody than the centaur's feast.
Fuck yeah!
now cut them down, I will be the cook
and have them prepared by the time their mother comes.
Dinner is ready, which Titus has carefully prepared, with good intentions.
for peace, love, alliance, and honor to Rome.
So please, come in
and sit at the table.
Marcus, we will.
Welcome, my lord.
Welcome, fearsome queen. Welcome, warrior Goths.
Welcome, Lucius.
And welcome, all.
Though the food is modest, It will fill your stomachs.
Please eat it.
Why are you dressed like that,
Andronicus? Hmm?
Because I wanted to make sure everything was perfect...
to host you and your wife.
We are grateful to you, Andronicus.
If you knew what's in my heart, you would be.
Would you like to eat?
Would your highness like to enjoy the food?
My lord the emperor,
What do you think about this...
Was it a good choice of quick-tempered Virginius...
to kill his daughter with his own hands...
because she was trapped, dishonored, and raped?
It was, Andronicus.
Why do think so, mighty lord?
So the girl would not live in shame...
and so she won't remind him of his grief.
A good reason, logical and valid.
An example that has set a precedent, and established permission
for me, the most miserable, to do the same.
Die, die, Lavinia,
and let your shame die, along with my grief.
What have you done,
You fucked up motherfucker?
I Killed her, because she was the reason my eyes were blind with tears.
I am as miserable as Virginius...
and have a thousand more reasons than he did...
to do this fucked up shit,
and it now is done.
What, was she raped? Tell us who did it.
Why have you killed your only daughter like this?
It wasn't me.
It was Chiron and Demetrius.
They raped her and cut out her tongue.
And they, it was them...
who are responsible for all this.
Go, bring them here now!
Oh, but they're already here, baked in that pie...
which their mother has just enjoyed,
eating the flesh of her own children!
It's true, its true! My knife's sharp point is proof.
You sad-looking men,
people and sons of Rome torn apart by conflict...
like a flock of birds scattered in the wind.
and stormy gales,
oh, let me show you how to bind...
this scattered grain into one united sheaf,
build these broken limbs back into a healthy body.
Come. Come, you respected elders of Rome
and take our emperor gently by the hand.
I'm talking about Lucius, our emperor.
I know that's what the people want.
Now it's my turn to speak.
See this child.
Tamora gave birth to this.
the child of an atheist Moor,
who was responsible for all this fucked up shit.
Oh you sad Andronicai,
decide this motherfucker's fate.
Bury him up to the chest and starve him.
Let him stay there and scream and beg for food.
If anyone helps or pities him,
they will be killed.
This is our judgement.
Oh, why should my anger be quiet and my fury silent?
I am not some baby,
that with measly prayers...
ask for forgiveness for the shit i've done.
If I ever did one good thing in my life...
I regret it from the bottom of my soul.
Go, some of you.
Take Saturninus away, and bury him in his father's grave.
My father and Lavinia...
will be buried immediately in the family tomb.
As for that bitch Tamora,
she won't have a funeral service,
no one dressed in black,
no sad bell will ring for her burial,
throw her to the animals and birds to prey on her.
Her life was devilish...
and without pity.
And, now that she's dead,
let the birds take pity on her.